"Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick"

[GoatGal]

How long will I hang around?

Probably not long enough. Agreed

I need to see a real glimmer of hope.

If I were 30, it'd be different.

But as it is, I've given myself until Feb 2016, which is when he can finalize the divorce with or without me.

Not sure I agree with this. ^^^

I'm all for focusing on what I want and not giving up hope, and conducting myself "as if" this is the outcome I will get. Shaping it in my own mind and in the world.

The truth is, I don't think I'm going to be one of those who will keep standing after he's finalized a divorce.
If he's that convinced that divorce is what he wants, I am not going to waste any more time waiting for him to change his mind. Which he may well never do.

I have too many other things I'd like to do in life besides hanging around here watching him "be single", GALing and PMAing, all "for me".

If it's "for me", then I'm going to take all that good stuff and do it where it's going to move me forward, not keep me stuck in the past.
I will want to move away, start a new life, and that would make it difficult to re-kindle any type of relationship with him.

Frankly, I've seen a side of him that is so disturbing that I don't know if I can ever "un-see" it.

There is a tremendous amount of work that he would need to do to save this marriage, and the fact remains that he may never want to do that.
I could potentially waste five more years waiting for something that is not ever going to happen.

Have you ever read anything by Admiral Stockdale?
This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be."

I agree with this mindset. And day-to-day, that's how I'm framing it.

It's not so much about "giving up hope" as it is maybe deciding one day down the road that I've had enough of hoping for something I might never get, when I could be living a full--but different---life instead.

I don't need H to make me happy. I never did.
I would like things to turn around; I've always loved him, it seems such a waste.

But part of detaching is understanding that I'll be OK, I'll be happy, with or without him.

And it seems the harsh reality is that it may well be "without", because it's not within my control.

The only control I have is to say when it's over--for ME.

I should say that I will not hang it up based on the date 2/16, but only if he goes ahead and pushes the divorce through.
Then I will get the best settlement I can and move on.

That is part of the power that I feel I have...I will move on then and I will be happy. That's my choice, in the face of all the choices he's made that did not consider me or my well-being at all.

In the end, it's up to me.


---GG