It's the "IF" part. IF she was physically unable to have the type of sexual relationship you desire, would you stay with her?
You answered "yes". Good answer!
What if it's not a "physical inability"? What if it's just her? What then?
Again, you're still focused on "helping" her "fix it". 1. You can't fix this for another person. 2. The solution is to change your thinking and perceptions about the problem. This seems to be where you're getting stuck.
As for "fixing it"... Who is that for, exactly?
Is she happy with the way things are?
If she is, why should she "fix" anything?
Just food for thought.
--GG
I don’t think I’m stuck, even if I was before. I can’t seem to convince anyone of that, so I’m not going to argue about that anymore AND I’m going to continue therapy.
I’m not focused on helping her fix it----I just wouldn’t leave her stranded with ANY health problem. I don’t get it. Don’t put it that way. It’s like I can’t be seen as anything other than a sex maniac and can’t have an honest conversation about it.
For example, if she has migraines, would I be ok with her taking prescription medicine if it took away the pain?
But if she has low libido and a pill can help that, now I’m a jerk for encouraging it? For the record, I haven’t encouraged any pills for her libido, but the point is she’s my PARTNER----no matter what problem she has I’ll help her face it.
And yes, she’s happy with the way things are.
But isn’t the fundamental point of all of Michele’s books I’ve read that spouses have different needs and it’s up to both sides to compromise or face consequences?
So you’re exactly right----why should she “fix” anything for herself? She shouldn’t.
Why should she “fix” anything for her husband? Because of love. It’s the same way I’ve “fixed” things for her, things I was happy not doing, right? I don’t understand the difference except that I changed. Now I’m adapting better to her not “fixing” me not being as happy as she is with our life together (despite both of us, including me, being happy with it), but the shoe is only on one foot, right?
Again, say for example I went blind. I can’t drive. She was happy not driving me everywhere, right? I could get someone else to drive me everywhere, couldn’t I? Why would I want my wife to drive me anywhere, and why might she want to drive me anywhere? I say love. You’re saying I need to love a sexless marriage, or wait until everyone agrees it’s officially sexless, then love it?
Still, I don’t bring it up, I don’t talk to her about it, I don’t pressure her, I don’t take it personally when she’s tired, I meditate, I do all my other stuff including therapy, I work on the art show for September and I have a great time with my wife, including the entire 4th of July weekend. Tonight we’re having guests for dinner and I’m cooking-----lobster, clams and scallops----and I don’t expect (nor did I ever) anything for it.
