stumps, that's one of the best life skill I've learned in this process, asking open-ended questions without an agenda. I use it on an almost daily basis.

The minute I feel my defenses rising about something, I ask myself "what's going on here," and then I know I need more information about whatever has triggered my response.

The question can be as simple as "Tell me more about that" and then just listen. Only interject if you need clarification. The difficult part for me is, I want a answer/decision/resolution NOW and you often won't get that.

Become comfortable with first, validating what you're hearing and then taking time, let's think about this more, or I need some time to think, or can we talk more about this tomorrow?

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss