Today, W seems to be at the point of wanting to focus on her career, so she can get some cash to be able to afford to live without me. While I am away on vacation with kids, she plans to talk to a L about filing for D, and to a financial planner.
And by focus on career, she seems, at least temporarily, to want to take her focus off OM.
So there's an opportunity at this very point in time where she isn't singularly focused on men, or looking for them to rescue her from her situation. She wants to do that on her own. I think that is great progress.
I've been doing LRT for months now. I've been very helpful around the house, spending lots of time with kids, but at the same time, I'm giving her lots and lots of space, which means there has been very little communication, save for the few sessions of MC we did in May/early June.
What I fear is that my W has interpreted LRT as total disinterest in her, or fixing the M.
Although I have clearly expressed my desire to reconcile and do MC, I had stipulated that there should be no OM in the picture if MC was to be effective. The three sessions we did were enlightening, I think, but with OM in the picture at the time, she really wasn't into it. Given her vacation, then mine, we haven't anything further scheduled.
Of course, I was hoping she would get to a low point, come to the realization that OM aren't the answer, and then maybe want to do something about the M. She may have come to the realization about OM, but seems unconvinced about my commitment.
She said this to a friend:
Quote:
He emotionally checked out a long time ago. If he really and truly wanted to get back together with me, he would be making more of an effort. The effort he's made is just sticking a band-aid on a gaping hole. Not to say that I want to get back together with him, but he sure isn't making me want to give this a try.
So in spite of 180's etc, which she has noticed, I am clearly not making the right effort that makes her want to try.
My inclination is to have this talk with her, to see if I can figure anything out:
- I'm sorry we're at this point; I accept my responsibility for my part of it. - I don't want a D but will not stop you if that's the path you choose - I do want to reconcile and am fully committed to working on the issues, including my own that brought us to this point - I cannot accept an open M - We each have decisions to make as to how we proceed from here.
I had planned to say this to her next week as I left out on vacation, giving her a couple of weeks of empty house to think. I wonder if I shouldn't try to have a talk with her sooner, given that she has rid herself of OM (for today).
Am I being too reactive?
Does she really interpret LRT as disinterest? Do I explain that I've been giving her space to work through her feelings (She asked for "space" back in January.) I sure wouldn't want her going through with a D because she thought I was disinterested. Is it possible that she doesn't know where I stand?
Given that we're both talking (but not with each other) about D do I have anything to lose?
