"Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick"

[Maybell]

I'm looking forward to hearing the responses to this.

[CS000]

My STBXH is also "running away". Not sure what the stats or number that stay gone. It would be nice to have an idea. Let me know

[GoatGal]

"When the going gets tough, the cowards get going."

[daring]

Hey GG- sounds like you had an awesome night!
It really is good to get that ego boost- to realize that you are attractive to others and not some awful person. Must be something about going through this situation and how we project ourselves- I hadn't been hit on in years but since BD and separating from my H, even when I was still wearing my ring, I got hit on multiple times on 2 business trips. Same here-no taking anyone up on action but lots of self esteem building.

As far as how many return- the vets who have posted stats here don't separate with it without OP.
Between Heart's Blessing, Job and Rollercoaster Rider I have seen figures from 50-80%. Apparently some that don't reconcile have more to do with LBS moving on before the MLCer wakes up.

Still wish I lived close- would love to have a night on the town with you!!
I'm going to Def Leppard concert with some close friends this weekend and can't wait!

[rayzzz]

Goatgal you win most favorite DB post of the weekend!

Take a bow woman! Just LOVE how much you are able to strut your stuff and really like yourself, throw around your self esteem and be happy. That plus detaching is true dbing!

H has been down on my Ukulele/Vocal thing since the beginning for whatever reason,
(because it made me happy and took time away from me being his housekeeper?)
and as I move onwards and upwards with this pursuit, I keep thinking to myself: "Screw YOU! You have NO IDEA what I can do..."
And he doesn't. He doesn't get it at all.
Other people do... I see that now.
I may have gotten myself another gig as well.

Plus you sing AND play uke? Now that is a major turn on.... cause I uke (its on the cover of my cd) and I have a honkey tonk cigarbox ukulele like paw paw had in the 1920s. =D

So proud of you ans as Ron Burgandy says "Stay Classy"

[Old Dog]

Goatgal, your post is inspirational :-)

[Cadet]

Just curious---any thoughts on how many WAS stay gone if there is no OP involved?

Not that it matters much, I just wonder about my H. He is not running "to" someone or something, he's just running away...

Seems like a wake-up call is inevitable when he realizes he's 65 and the fluke that was his young employee was not a reliable indicator of things to come...

Hmmmmmm....

No--really, I'm not trying to fit this into a neat box. I'm just curious.

--GG

A lot

Just dont make me define the length of TIME involved cause that is unknown.

Some of it might involve where his wounding came from in early childhood.

Another words if he is acting like a five year old, how long does it take him to grow up.



Still nothing YOU can do about this.
It is just for informational purposes only.

[Ggrass]

Zew,

Just to be clear: There is no way I would ever get involved with anyone who does not respect or care for me. Period.

And that includes my husband. (Or whoever he is now.)

I'm not sure if that's what you were warning me against... being taken advantage of/used by someone.
If so, I appreciate your concern!

But no.
These are friends I've known for years, we have mutual friends in common, all that.
I've just always been "unavailable" and to their credit, they've always been on their best behavior with me; very respectful with me as a married woman.
I would not have tolerated anything less.

Now I'm---"Maybe, might be...some time...available...?"
And since I changed my mindset, and the rumor mill has churned, I notice there is more...interest. And I'm surprised at this.

But my self-esteem is way too strong to be taken advantage of by someone who is looking for *just* a hookup.
Won't happen.

My biggest concern is ME potentially hurting someone who is kind-hearted and sincere, perhaps naive.... I would never want to involved someone in this mess that masquerades as my life.

I will not "date" or become involved with anyone unless/until I am divorced.
At which point I plan to have no further direct communication with H.

Until then, flirting is OK. As is telling the "interested" parties that I am "in a difficult situation, and not really free to pursue a relationship at this time."

And that's the truth.

Am I taking numbers?

You betcha!

---GG

This Is me, except my h hasn't looked remotely back. I'm getting hit on and perved on at work constantly often openly by guys.

I am really scared to even look but my confidence must be shining thru, and I cannot remember the last time it did. Even the pants I bought in may are starting to loosen. Everything I own nearly needs a belt. Clothes I wore in jan feb will not stay on.

It's time to have friends, gg people who are Truely appreciative of us and know how great we are.

Actually gg. From the sound of you in your posts you and I sound alike, but I'm not so eloquent in the written word.

[GoatGal]

Ggrass: "It's time to have friends, gg people who are Truely appreciative of us and know how great we are.
From the sound of you in your posts you and I sound alike, but I'm not so eloquent in the written word."


Ggrass, we DO sound alike! (And my written word only flows freely because it's all so piled up in my head it has to find a little crack to spill out...)

And yes, it IS great to feel appreciated, really appreciated, for who WE ARE as core beings, rather than what we can do for someone else or the role we play in their lives.
Those roles are really important, but it's not "WHO WE ARE".

This experience has actually made me more compassionate, more loving, more open.
I find myself at the receiving end of a lot of heartfelt stuff from others.
Maybe it's because I'm vulnerable, maybe it's because I'm "safe" to talk to... but others are sharing with me in ways they never did before, all kinds of people.

And I'm giving it back. It feels good.
-------------------------------------

daring: "It really is good to get that ego boost- to realize that you are attractive to others and not some awful person. Must be something about going through this situation and how we project ourselves- I hadn't been hit on in years but since BD and separating from my H, even when I was still wearing my ring, I got hit on multiple times on 2 business trips. Same here-no taking anyone up on action but lots of self esteem building."

It is SOOOOOO good to get that ego boost! It's been so long since I felt appreciated by my H as a woman, and all that goes with it.

But it is funny how somehow we're starting to project something different about ourselves.

Same for me with ring on/off... even with people who didn't know me or my sitch... it's just a "openness" I guess.

Before this happened was "closed"; I wore my marriage like a coat of armor.
--------------------------------

Hey--that makes me think.

Do you think our spouses decided to "open" themselves, and thereby discovered/invited their OPs to intrude?

If so, was it conscious or unconscious?
Did the temptation come first and then the opening?
Or were they already "looking" and "available" in their minds?

------------------------

This is not about deciphering the behavior of our spouses, more a philosophical discussion...about fidelity, attraction, and some subtle social cues (which you can BET I'm missing!)

It is a curious thing because in my mind I'm not "doing" anything "different".
I am *just* thinking differently about myself and my M.

Makes you wonder about that "vibrating at a higher frequency" thing (as per "The Secret") and opening your soul (more "self-help" readings) REALLY, TRULY having a tangible effect in the world, or at least, being perceived by others.

It certainly seems so.

I have said that since I started really trying to think about being "open" and "vibrating higher with positive thoughts" and "keeping my heart/soul/mind open" to others, not "fighting" reality or "resisting" what *IS*, that others' reactions to me have changed.

(Think about when we were first dating our spouses. This is HOW WE WERE! This is how they are with OPs and visa versa. No wonder they're so enamored! Whereas, with all our M frustrations, we became "closed" and often resentful... I know I did. Definitely. We have been vibrating at a lower frequency, for sure, within our R and currently quite often because of our realities. Our pain and anger give out the worst "vibes" ever!!! We need to change that!)

The joke is now: "I am a friggin' LOVE MAGNET!"
In the grocery store, on the road... it's like people are smiling and attracted to me...maybe because I choose to be happy????

Food for thought...

But you ladies made my morning!!!!!

Go feel your power out in the world today and strut your awesome-ness!
(Don't know if that's a word, but I like it! )


----GG

PS: My big rooster, Bart, has taken to following me around the place. So I'm giving off some vibe for sure.
(If I start laying eggs, call Ripley's Believe It or Not! They better be golden!!!)

[GoatGal]

For the record, I'm no Super Model.

I'm just me, 54 year old Goat Gal, with donkey manure on my shoes, clay under my nails, and hayseeds in my pocket, as well as the often forgotten Pocahontas chicken feather stuck in my hair.

But I've learned how to dress myself on the cheap, (thanks "What Not to Wear"!!!), and how to accentuate my positives while downplaying the negatives.

I clean up pretty well when I get the opportunity.
(Still no fancy mani/pedi or salon hair. Just *my* interpretation. Look closely and there are still hayseeds are in my bra and dog hair on my sweater .. )

But I smile. A lot.

And I carry myself with confidence and kindness.
I think this is what people are reacting to.

---GG