I guess the key in this whole dynamic is to outlast J kind of like in the divorce process.
Yes, I think it is. At some level I think the MLCer is trying to 'win', to be right about things, to justify what another (mostly dormant!) bit of their brain is shrieking out 'this is wrong wrong wrong and you know it'. I suspect that is what drives their huge anger. With my xh, like yours, anger if they do not get their own way, erupts quickly and childishly. So tired of that behaviour.
I am sorry that you have to do this horrible co-parenting thing. I am so grateful that my kids were grown and I didn't have to. Having a MLCer dad as a child must be awful. However, I strongly believe that one responsible loving parent is enough. They get to see what normal is, and that you provide a safe haven. At what age can they say what they want in your state?
The business with the phone is typical of the way they simply act without thought of the consequences for others. Typical teen behaviour 'It seemed like a good idea at the time'
I would get good and angry - and as Job said use the energy to do some noisome task.
