She says she's conflicted (part 2)

[MrBond]

"now that's what I don't get. If the affair was all about the way I treat her, why did she pick someone that even the MC and her old IC said was 100x worse then me?"

In YOUR eyes he's 100x's worse than you. Not to her. It's what he DOES give her in a positive way is you should be concentrating on.

"The collaborative divorce coach said it was that she wanted to be romanced, that she could fix him, felt bad for him and fantasizes about the life he was offering."

That's correct.

"He also said I can't forget that she has come back to me in some regard. "

That's also correct.

"So Mr. Bond I was told I need to be more of an Alpha man, how does this fit into all of what this site and DB has said. It seems that an Alpha is more demanding etc."

Who told you that? First of all, your definition of an "alpha" is being a d*ck to a woman. That's not what it is at all. An "alpha" leads through strength of character. Not through how loud they are.