Oh Betsey...I don't want to think negatively but here I am. It's difficult to act positive towards the situation and your spouse who couldn't give a rat's ass about your feelings. I'm still dumbfounded because we just bought a house and that darn thing isn't even complete yet. And, we were going to try for a baby this month! Yet with a blink of an eye it's all gone. He now plans to sell the house once it's complete and obviously there won't be any trying for a baby. Was it all a lie? I sense it was a cover up for something terrible he did.
The more I sit here and replay the events in my mind to make sense of where I missed something the more I don't like who he is...at least this side of him. Perhaps this is what he did with his previous R and why he kept it secret. And why he never disclosed his credit card info and why he never suspected me of anything...because he knew if he'd ask that I would turn the question right back to him thus forcing him to some sort of disclosure. I always thought it was weird that he never suspected me of anything. I mean never! I'm not saying I ever gave him reason to but now he is--as if he has anything to be suspicious about anyway. It's only natural to feel a little curious about your spouse, right?
Yes, I do look for stuff and I will almost always find it. That's the truth! I only act this way when I'm feeling really insecure about something--like right now. While I'd like to believe that he's had a change of heart about not involving the children that's a false trail. As a matter of fact he insists that they know. Why and how does this help? It doesn't at least IMO. Why inflict unnecessary pain on others? How the heck do I get out of my head?
