Hi everyone here. I am new to this particular topic and just want to break in gently. My divorce is set to finalize on August, 4 of this year. Two more months!
I think at this point it is more painful having grown up in a huge family where divorce occurred for only one family member has made me feel a bit disappointing to my family. I have lost most interest in repairing my marriage and want to now work on my overall individual well-being so that if I do ever choose to get married again I can do so in a much healthier way.
My back went out a couple weeks ago. I thought I would live through the pain, but I gave in today and went to the doctor. I can't afford to call off sick at a new job all the time.
My new job is very monotonous and is in quality control not research like I wanted, but the pay is so good I've decided to work full time while completing my Masters. (I know everyone says this is difficult). I have no kids however, and anyone who has done a Masters (well most programs are like this), know that the classes aren't as hectic. It's primarily the research, but I love research. I really don't mind spending free time doing it.
I know I should balance out my social life. I'm moving to a new city closer to work, and in a month or two when I settle in I'm going to sign back up for Meetup groups. The apartment is still under repair so I'm just enjoying some time with sister at her apartment for the time being.
Life is stressful, but much less stressful than it was a year ago. I've got to say I like the upcoming changes. I really hope things keep going smoothly.
Just briefly reading your first thread, and dont have much advice but you are the same age as my daughter who has the same issues as you do although she has never been married.
She is on Abilify and has had trouble staying in relationships and also gaining weight.
All I can say right now is keep working on YOU.
The relationships will follow if you are the best YOU that is possible!
Thank you Cadet! Its bittersweet to have those type of pills.
The other day I called XH regarding insurance card. Ok not that I mean to sound cruel bit I had a hell of a year and I deserve a little aha! He informed me he's moving to Fresno to be close to his parents. The relationship he has with them is increasingly toxic as is my relationship with my parents which is why I distant myself. XH says there is nothing left in LA for him but when we were married he claimed to love the city life out here as his mother claimed. Now he's running home to mom and dad again so they can tell him what he likes instead of finding happiness on his own. I thought for so long and all the accusing he put on me for stating he had too close of a relationship have claimed me right. Now I'm not against moving next to mom and dad but only when I can clearly see that person is in pain everytime they see their parents and they need more of that pain....and I allowed him to bring that toxic relationship in our marriage and allowed it to affect me. Shame on me for thinking I deserved that.also friend showed me a pic of X on FB as I don't have an account (also she showed me at her own will I didn't ask for the picture) he has gained all the weight I've lost. Any inkling of attraction I've had for him is gone. Stop taking care of looks + weakened by mommy = nope nope nope. For the first time since our separation, I feel like he's not good enough for me. I know that's very full of myself, but I'm getting to that stage thinking, was I blind during our entire marriage?
Anyway, that was a good moment for me, because I realized then someone better was waiting out there. But first I need to continue my own self improvements. I can't wear make up at my work lab but have made a goal to wear it outside of lab. I also made a goal with my sister to shop invest in nice clothes once a month. I bought a gel nail kit and started doing my nails regularly. Right now in life I feel amazing. Time to enact new goals for next week.
With my birthday exactly a month away I had originally had plans to travel. With this new job it may seem that has to be put on hold so I can keep it. My 29th is coming up (I need to change my age on my profile) and I have this urge to make a bucket list. Not a list to complete upon death but to complete by next years birthday. I was reading about a walk in Spain and though its just a pipe dream at this point its a walk that got the gears turning in my head. Its a 500-mile popular walk that many say is rejuvenating. I thought and discussed this with a friend who also likes to travel. We dwelled on the idea of going next year and prepping ourselves for the physical challenges in the meanwhile. I realized in the excitement of thinking about it that I need to set up my own life if I want to look forward to things. Maybe this pipe dream will become real, or maybe its just that. But my goal now is to compile a bucket list for my birthday of both small and big goals. I'm very excited!
There is a movie about that walk. I believe it is called The Way. It has Martin Sheen in it and it was directed by his son Emilio Estevez. The whole idea is pretty cool. I also read where a lady climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro I believe. She had gone through a divorce which led her to attempt something new and challenging.
Excited for you! kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thank you Kat! I have Netflix so definetly watching that when my TV is set up again.
I'm moving this see. I'm extremely excited about getting my own place. My first real place alone was with XH, and now I feel like I get to do my own thing. I'm like a kid waiting for Disneyland....ok not excited about the actual move. I really only have time to move on the 4th so I'm going to try to get that done in time to see the fireworks at the beach. Pretty much just going to throw everything in and sort it out later.
I have plans to make my own coffee table with some tiles I saw online. Going to ask family members (if they want to give me a birthday gift) to buy me a few so I can see how they look. If not ill just have to wait a few weeks to save up some money for this project. Also picking my cat back up from my parents. I missed her so it'll be nice getting her back.
Ok so I have a deep issue to attend and I need some outside opinion for this so I know I'm not biased.
My parents are very old fashioned and religious. They want me to file for annulment before the divorce is complete so I'm never on record as divorced.
Here are the facts. My then bf (husband) told me the only reason we needed to get married so quickly was because he was going to get deported to Israel. At this time I loved him and believed him to love me and I agreed. We got married quickly in the courthouse. This was followed by us going to the immigration lawyer right away for his green card papers. He lived illegally in the country until we were married.
The day after he went to update his green card status he claimed he was unhappy. This is what lead us to our final fight. I accused him of using me for a green card due to the timing of his complaints which I've since apologized for but now have begin to question again. He has used that accusation as a reason for us to divorce.
Now to be honest I don't know if he ever loved me or if this was a ruse for a green card. He left so abruptly it felt planned. Not speaking to him and speaking to others have really shifted my thinking. I think there is a chance he may have used me and this is no longer an issue about saving my marriage but catching a criminal in the act.
So I have contacted an annulment lawyer. Part of me wants the divorce to be done the other doesn't like the idea of someone abusing the marital system.
What are your opinions? Should I allow the divorce to proceed or seek annulment to relief my religious family. I don't know how I feel. I guess used if its all true...sickened by him. Actually anybody behaving in that manner disgusts me. When I think about this I can't love him anymore. If he did this I can't love him. It makes me sick. Anybody in a similar situation?
Maybe try and play out the various scenarios in your head, all the pro and cons, until their conclusions?
How would you feel down the road if X happened, or Y happened, and WHY that would be...?
Maybe that will help you make a decision.
I don't think many would have an issue with the annulment.
In fact, if this was a situation where he played you for a green card (he wouldn't be the first, but SHAME ON HIM if that's true), why not go for an annulment since it was never a "real" marriage? It's true that you then wouldn't have to carry that "divorce" around the rest of your life, the truth being you may have simply been taken advantage of by a scoundrel.
Of course, it was real in your heart, but there is no fix for that. I wish there were.
Are there any repercussions for him as far as using you to obtain a green card? I mean--can it be revoked?
(I know most folks here probably wouldn't advocate that, but there are laws, and if he really DID abuse you in this way...well, I don't know.)
Of course, you're the only one who can answer these questions for yourself.
What will you be able to live with ten years from now?
Hang in there!
--GG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Thank you for both of your responses. Kat we only dated 6 months before he wanted marriage.Being younger to me marriage sounded great with someone I loved. I didn't think too much beyond that. I do believe annulment will give me a clean slate but you're right its all about moving forward with my life. I feel like a divorce will be over my shoulders for awhile. Well see what the expenses are, that sadly is the ultimate factor. He would have a weak case against it given the timeline of things.
On that note going to get ready to pull graveyards to cover for a co-worker. Hope everyone had a great 4th! I had to move so mine was exhausting!
The apartment is still under repair so I'm just enjoying some time with sister at her apartment for the time being. 
