I appreciate your candidness. Would I want him to confess? You know...i'm not sure but I know I will always wonder and I don't want to be there either. I would rather get things out in the open so it can be dealt with in the appropriate manner. To me there's no true healing without honesty. I don't completely understand it but right now I feel like I need to know...as if somehow I will feel justified in giving up/in. Or that this will somehow explain his current behavior towards me. I don't want to give up/in but I feel like I can't continue on this way either. How many times does he have to beg me to release him before I realize that's what he really wants? Am I to continue behaving "as if" when he makes me feel like crap for wanting to save the marriage? I mean...I want him to be happy too.
I have begun with GAL and yes it is incredibly difficult. You are right, I have assumed the worst. I have followed the advice of a book I'v read called "Love Life for Every Married Couple" by Ed Wheat. There's an entire chapter dedicated to those wanting to save their marriage without the help of their spouse. It says "prepare for the worst" so that I won't react to every new circumstance with fresh pain and bewilderment.
There's seems to be a fine line between detaching and giving up and I find myself in the middle constantly. When I'm enjoying myself without him it feels as though I have left the marriage...betrayed him somehow...betrayed myself. It feels unnatural--dishonest. I don't want to advocate any more dishonesty. I'm stuck today...
I hope your situation is where you'd like to be. Thank you for your reply. Please continue to share your experience as it will help me and many others in my shoes to get through another day.
