Trying to stay afloat

[Thornton]

Thanks, Maybell!

She called me again on her lunch break. This is all surreal!

She wants to start dating again, take things slow, and create a new relationship. This is all a blur to me!

I still have so much work to do on myself, I'm scared to be honest. I'm elated that she wants to try again, but damn this is scary!

She said she never stopped loving me but that she was feeling broken and needed to find herself. She's been running, reading, sketching, and photography. All things she did when we first met but quit doing when we became serious in our relationship.

I never realized that our relationship had stolen all of those passions from her. Makes me sad, actually.

We plan on talking some more soon and catching up. Super slow motion. I almost think we should limit how much we talk to each other, like every other day or something like that.

I certainly dont want to rush in and re-create our old relationship again.

I would really appreciate some advice from the vets.

Mach, Wonka, Bond.. where are you??

[Wonka]

Thor,

You're a quick study with texts. Good job!

How would it look to be dating again but not living together. In fact, we would be living about 45 minutes apart from each other. Is this even feasible considering everything that's happened?

Let me turn this back to you. How did you meet W and how did you start dating? Did you get the U-Haul and move in together after dating only 2 days? Exactly.

I think it is good to have your own separate space to allow the pair of you to work through your issues individually while dating. It is very apparent that W will require some time to work through her addiction issues and employment issues.

[Thornton]

Thanks, Wonka!

How slow should we go??? I dont want to go right back to texting/talking all the time like nothing happened.

How do I communicate this to her? We need some boundaries so we don't ahead of ourselves and neglect the issues at hand.

[rayzzz]

Thornton! My eyes actually welled up with tears that is so awesome the darkness paid off for you! I know you don't want to blow this dating opportunity but make sure you quaff back a couple beers now and enjoy this.
You are being the man she would be a fool to leave. kudos bro!

[Thornton]

Thanks Rayzzz!

I hope you are hanging in there!

I feel elated, but also terrified at the same time. It's a very surreal feeling. Part of me feels numb, like this was all just a dream.

The pain I have endured the past few months, as you all can relate to, was BRUTAL. I would rather someone break my knee caps than go through that.

I've read alot about reconciliation and I've seen lots of false starts here. Thats why I want to take it really slow. I'm scared of being gutted again. I still have so much work to do on me!

[oad]

Thor im happy for ya!!!!! keep it up man, seems like you are on the right path. What id give to hear those words(dating again).

[nova]

Thorton,

Been following your posts since I came here, and just want to say I'm really happy for you! Keep it up and I wish you nothing but the best. You've given me some real hope that maybe things will work out for me and my W.

[BigMac]

Man, that is super good news. I'm not a vet either, but I figure that limiting interactions to times when you know you can be positive is a smart thing. Congratulations!

[GoatGal]

Best of luck, Thornton!

You got this....



--GG

[Wonka]

How slow should we go??? I dont want to go right back to texting/talking all the time like nothing happened.

How do I communicate this to her? We need some boundaries so we don't ahead of ourselves and neglect the issues at hand.

How slow? What does that look like to you? What do you want out of this process?

When you are clear yourself, then you'll be clear when you communicate with W.

What are your non-negotiables? What ways you can support W? What actions and words you can undertake to strengthen the connection with her?