He blames me for divorce! Why is he so angry?

[Underdog]

CMF,

Glad you had a great time, despite the stuff you like to dwell on. So off we go.

I replied back providing him with need-to-know info and wished him a happy 4th of July. I have not heard back. As a matter of fact it's like he just disappeared from the radar.

It doesn't sound like what you shared required a response?

The children have tried to contact him but apparently he has not responded to them.

Perhaps he has wisely decided that he doesn't want to put the kids in the middle or involve them at all 1) on an issue that is between the two of you only; and 2) make them the go-betweens; and 3) make them feel like they would be betraying you by involving you?

This leads me to believe he is hiding...of course he's hiding! My female intuition kicked into OD. There was something going in and I felt it...down to my very core.

You may be right. But then again, you may be dead wrong. You do a lot of assuming here, and that won't help you one bit. All the posturing and mind reading after this sentence actually hurts your overall cause.

"What will happen when he does confess?

IF and WHEN this happens, cross that bridge when you get it. Personally, I'd try to find out the why. If he's not a serial adulterer, then you might want to find out the why.

But let's get back to reality here. You simply have to stop putting the cart before the horse. You're preparing rebuttals and conversations in your head. Doesn't that make you tired? It's also unfair to him, and more importantly, to yourself. I can tell you that when I did it, I just walked around one angry woman. And it made people uncomfortable around me without me even opening my mouth!

I'll pass along some really great advice given to me by our MC:

If you look for sh!t, you're going to find it. Why not give each other the benefit of the doubt and tell yourself that he or she is doing the best job they can at that given moment with the skill set they have.

That turned out to be really great advice. We all come to our relationships with baggage. You have engaged in silent treatment and P/A tactics in the past, and they clearly haven't worked for you so why not see it from a "glass full" perspective?

I'm not saying he isn't in an EA or PA, but as Artsy said, is that reality going to change things at this moment in time? What would you be doing differently than you'd do without it?

Serial adulterers aside, there is a reason why typical people go seeking another R that they believe fulfills them or meets a need that is not being met. I've met a few folks who've gone down that path (not to mention being related to some) where they stated their needs, those needs were not met and someone else came along that filled at least some of that need. I've found that MWD was dead on when she said, "If you don't have an affair with your spouse, someone else will." Try to approach any reality with that in mind, okay?

I was the one who almost embarked on infidelity, so I understand the why. The only reason I didn't consummate that R was the fact that my heart knew it was WRONG. But my XH had checked out of our M some months prior and stopped having sex with me; and when I asked him to share what was going wrong, his patent answer was "nothing". We were in a horrible place, there was nothing positive happening for either of us, and it was 3 months before he announced to me that he was moving out. We were living with a massive amount of resentment, and I can say with conviction that score keeping and living with resentment is like living with stage 4 cancer and hoping it won't be fatal if you look the other way.

Take a deep breath and hit that reset button. Nothing good comes from where you are in that living within your head thing.

Hugs,

Betsey