"Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick"

[GoatGal]

Something's afoot! H has been pensive, weird...a new phase.

After a few weeks of me really detaching, GALing, PMAing and hard core DBing, there's been a week of HIM being crabby, nasty, (text-wise), pushing my buttons and trying to push me around (DIDN'T WORK!), and this 3 day weekend he was sort of sad, seemed a bit lost...
(I have given him exactly ZERO things to pin on me as the source of his unhappiness, and lots of indicators that he is the only one who thinks I'm so awful. I have not taken the bait, and I have not engaged with him at all.)

I responded to his text last night telling me that "all chores are done" (I was out), by saying "Enjoy your evening. "

He texts back: "ENJOY????????"
" Well....I'll be getting ready... for work......C u tomorrow....."

At which point I'm laughing to myself.
What? You mean he's not "enjoying" his "single" life without the woman who supposedly made him miserable?
Poor man.... I wasn't even being snarky!
It was a beautiful night, he'd left early, I figured he'd go back and hang out on their deck or something.
Guess that's not "enjoyable".

He later sent me text last night saying:
"Sorry, I know you were trying to be nice."
" It just wasn't a good day for me...."
" Sorry I was so.....distant......kiss all the kids for me......."

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"Distant"? Like I noticed?
I'm only paying a minimal amount of attention to him as required about practical things.
And every time I do, I'm DBing to the MAX.
Happy, upbeat, busy, got better and more fun things to do than hang around him.
The ONLY thing I did (my 180), was to leave him an antipasto plate I made up in the fridge with a note "For you..don't know how well you're eating these days"... and I didn't say a word about it.
(No expectations, no pressure.)
I noticed he ate it, though!
It's his "Acts of Service" love language.
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Anyhow, I texted back simply: "I will."
(I wasn't sure if/how to respond to all his "bad day for me/distant" thing, so I figured I'd just ignore it. Just words, anyway.)

But as I said, I've seen some changes.


1. He cried about our little dog, Eleanor on Monday night.
I mean, REALLY CRIED.
First time in over a year I've seen any emotion other than fury, a weird child-like tantrum thing, and a sarcastic, entitled teenager who tells me I don't give HIM "any RULES!!!".
Considering everything that's been going on, the fact that I never saw any "adult"/age-appropriate emotion or ability to communicate or interact about our situation has been disconcerting.

2. Complaining about his exciting "new life".
(See above: "ENJOY?????????")
When he got here (PERFECTLY ON TIME!) He made some comments about his July 4th party that he had made SUCH a big deal over.
It was "Boring, nobody to talk to... sorry it made him late..."

3.He rode his bicycle early on the 4th. First time in almost ten years.
Said he rode for about 45 minutes and almost passed out.
(No surprise, he's in terrible shape.)
I was happy that he's finally getting some aerobic exercise.
It has always helped his state of mind and one of the issues we've had is when he stopped running on and off over the years, he got really irritable...
I always thought that had something to do with his depression, and it seemed to fill a void in him.

4. No evidence of porn/alcohol binge that I noticed while I was out.
This is also new. It's usually one or the other. Or both.

5. He is spaced out, making more mistakes or is pre-occupied.
He forgot to take the trash and recycling as usual, he turned on the AC even though all the windows were open... weird stuff like that.

6. For all his bluster, he's giving me his schedule and whereabouts every day.
He's updated me by the hour when needed.

7. When we were clipping one of the dogs Sunday, I swear he was about to "say something" big.
The air was pregnant with it. My stomach dropped. I *thought* he was going to say something "awful" like--take your pick--or maybe ask to come home, or move into the basement, or SOMETHING.
He went.... "Ummmmmm......."
And I just waited. Waited. Then "were you going to say something?"
Him: "Um...no.... I just...went a way for a minute...sorry."
I let it drop. He let it drop.
But there was something he wanted to say that he decided not to.
That was clear even to ME.


Enough about him--this is just background info for the rest of the story.
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Next Up: My Fourth of July and strapping young men in suspenders!


---GG