Hi all - "was never in love"

[Mat]

Hi Wet thanks for the support.

My day out was OK in the end. The problem here is that socialising, at least in my circle, traditionally happens around a pint. I need to cut this out entirely.

But other than that, met the male half of a couple that's friends with us. He was very supportive, and although feelings are still raw, I think I succeeded in putting on the brave face I was intending to. Though I had to look away not to choke up, so I don't think I fooled him that this has upset me but who would be surprised at that? I did admit that it would be a long hard road, and that dealing with fixing the house before selling it, the relationship, and work pressures would be hard. And I said I was preparing myself for whatever outcome may prevail in the end. But I did mention my intent to take out martial arts classes, and I already like to go to concerts (often on my own even when I was married, for weekday gigs), and he said he'd like to come along. He did commend me on taking things on board and doing work on myself, and taking the lessons. And assured me that they still wanted to be friends with both of us, even if it is separately.

So I'm pretty reassured that they won't be acting as go-between and help W keep tabs on me. At the same time, I will have to be disciplined about not mind-reading through them. For instance, he asked about how long the repairs would take, whether I'd want to live there or sell up. Made me think that he's also getting a clear message from W that things are final in her mind. I no longer think it's the only deduction to make, but in any case there's no reason to believe that she would be telling me one thing and telling other people another. So why worry about that.

I am also getting some advice over email from a really good friend who's now living in another country and who went through a full divorce. He emphasises not getting taken advantage of financially quite a bit. I am not sure how much I should worry about that. Given we don't have joint accounts and I was doing the investing, I feel pretty bulletproof. If we end up getting a lot of equity out of the house then perhaps I'll need to think about this... I am not at the point where I want to worry about these things though.

Thanks all for the support I think today will be a somewhat better day.