Bugsby, I am so sorry for all your losses. You have had a very hard row.
FWIW, I've made it clear to friends and family that I want H's road home smooth. They've all agreed to that (some reluctantly). I've told him this is true (mainly so he wouldn't avoid school events) He has actually experienced that grace in person. It hasn't hurried the process so much as I can tell. You will know when telling him he matters will penetrate to a meaningful part of his mind. In the. Meantime, hang on to that knowledge the same way you are holding on to your love for him -- in a place where it won't be damaged by his callousness.
BS fog: do you mean betrayed spouse fog? I haven't heard it called that. But the crazy chaos of losing a person and life we've relied on certainly brings about a very powerful fog that makes it hard to function.
The things you've been doing will help. But to a certain extent it must just be endured. When I finally came to terms with my new reality I saw evidence all around me that I'd been stuck for months.
You will be ok. You really will. But don't try to eat the elephant. Just get through each bit of time as best you can. It's kind of like having a newborn -- just power through as best you can till suddenly you realize it's easier than it was.
I'm sending you hugs.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
