Hi I'm new, I hope I won't be a burden... prt 3

[Barrybran]

So you go missing for a few days, you've fully detached and come back to tell us everything your wife thinks she's done wrong. Let me highlight again the work that is involved in turning things around. I've been at this for 8 months and counting. MrBond was at it for over three years and I'm sure he'll tell you he's working all the time. One week does not turn a relationship around nor does it make everything alright.

On the plus side, you've seen what space can do both for yourself and your relationship. Let me be clear on this: YOU MUST GIVE YOUR WIFE SPACE. Not just now but if/when you get back together. Do you intend to live apart for the rest of your lives? Of course not. So how do you give your wife space while living together? By getting a life; by getting out of her face; by not stalking her by phone. You've had a small taste of what could be by applying the rules (finally). Guess what? This is just the beginning.

Now, your wife has some work to do to. The bad news is that YOU CAN NOT CONTROL HER so please don't try to. You can do two things though: 1) do your own work: control yourself, your thoughts and your behaviour; and 2) figure out what YOU want and need from a healthy relationship.

You are not piecing. Not even close. You may be able to move back in soon but you'd be a fool to do so. As Cadet says, you've been given the gift of time so use it wisely. Use this time apart to build a strong foundation with your wife through friendship. Listen to and understand what she says. Use your alone time to better yourself, to find yourself, to figure out who you are, what you value, what you need and want and what you can offer, not only to your wife but to your family, friends, work colleagues, etc.

If you want to make sure it doesn't happen again, you will do the work and stop trying to find shortcuts.