Hey Lisa, believe me, I know how you are feeling. I've been feeling the same too. Always thinking about S with OP. Sandi2 gave me a good point... You can't control what they do. It hurts but it's so true. I am so sorry that you are in this sitch. All the pleading and begging will not help one bit in changing their minds of coming back. I tried and my W didn't even budge. She just reiterated that the love is not there and she needed space and time to figure this out. Then I tried again and again and no avail. So this is what I am trying to tell you, what you're doing now, No Contact, it could be the best 180 for you now at this stage. I think this because your H is still expecting you to always be there. Hence, the frequent texts. My W doesn't even text me much at all unless something needs to be done or said. So you see, your sitch, at this point with the 180 may make H realize what he will be giving up. Now with all this time, better yourself and be someone only a fool would want to leave. We need to let them know that the decisions they make does have sacrifices...loosing someone who cares. Try And step back a bit when you feel like how you are feeling now and see the bigger picture. You're DBing and things are not the same anymore. You're on a path to giving it all you got to save your marriage even though the surest way is counterintuitive.
