KGirl - post-move

[KGirl]

Thanks, all, for your thoughts and advice. When I read the perpetual plan B part... that was hard... which tells me that there's some truth to it. And to be honest, that's the hardest part of "standing" for my M. Do I really want to be the back-up plan after he checks out the grass on the other side and decides maybe it's not actually greener? I want to be someone's plan A, not their plan B (I feel like there is some cutesy quote about that but can't remember what it is). H did say before I left that he was the "type of person who's always looking for the next best thing," whether it's the latest phone, video game console, job, and now apparently partner. I swear if a cute girl so much as looks at him and he has some time to think about it, he has to go chase after her. He just never had time in his old job to see who was around because they worked him so hard (he works in the same building now, just under a different person). So, at least he has some insight... who knows whether he'll actually dig into that and realize that's not going to be a happy way to live life. And think about what that says about his self-esteem, that he has to have the newest or most attractive or most expensive thing or "win" at something to feel fulfilled. He's also always been a very competitive person, loves competitive sports (and fantasy sports... and online poker... and video games... basically anything he can "win" at) and I never really understood what the drive was to be #1 all the time.

If we can't trust anyone to be committed to us... what's the point? I mean, right now I kinda feel like I don't ever want to get married again, much less have kids with someone, because they could just up and leave me any day. Why bother? My H said multiple times after BD "better to have loved and lost than never loved at all" which I thought was a completely BS justification of why this was all OK... I just don't feel right now like there's any truth to that statement.