I have called a few lawyers. Explained my sitch to the legal admin and waiting for call backs or playing phone tag.
I do stay away as much as possible, are only interactions now are when we are with the children. The only way to be further away is to leave the home.
She sees changes in me but they are not enough. She still does not like how I communicate.
She is not a bad mom.
She keeps telling me there will never be a deep emotional connection between us. She also says I will never get from her what I need emotionally.
Part of me wants to go to a mediator.
I have talked to a lot of people who are divorced with children and all of the children have issues, even one of her friends who married someone with a child deals with the child having eating disorders and self-mutilation. I do not point any of this out though. She seems oblivious to these situations or thinks it will be different.
She also says she feels everything is a competition with me. That I am competing with her, and have to be better than her. This completely confuses me. I am not intending to compete with her on anything. We do a lot of the same activities but I do not bring up these things. She feels I compete with her for the children. I am not doing that. Playing with my kids is one of my brightest spots of the day. I get lost and have fun with them and it is the only time I feel unconditional love.
I think this post rambles and is disjointed but it is stuff I need to get off my chest.
