Wife officially walked away just over a month ago

[BigMac]

What was happening was that each time W needed to discuss something that hit my Anxiety triggers I would activate, and have some sort of an escalation when we couldn't come to a dialouge based discussion.

Either that, or we would battle for control of a conversation, and I generally would win. W would then "aggree" but then not follow through. We got in this ever devolving situation where I was trying to get my needs met (or felt like it) but she felt forced into meeting them.

Both of us have high anxiety, so the behaviors would get repeated on both sides, but I can only fix my own stuff. To quote her, W and the kids were walking on egg shells constantly around me.

Getting PTSD treatment (I have done a couple sematic therapies - Constallation therapy and regression with DPMD). I am 1000 times better right now, as well as continuing work so I can be 10,000 times better.

I never stopped caring in my heart. I would try to buy her love constantly, but what I didnt' realize was that I should have probably put my efforts into listening to her. I was so screwed up, that I would just monologue, not dialogue. I wasn't listening to her, and of course she would find other people who would listen, other guys who filled her head with other things...

So I have been working on PTSD stuff.
I have been taking communications courses (really good).
I've been journaling
I've been investing in myself, getting a life
I cut out all stimulants (caffeine, etc)
I'm taking responsibility for my own care (cleaning house, paying bills, etc)
I'm hanging out with friends
I'm investing in hobbies (in 7 min I head out the door for flight training)
I'm throwing parties, instead of hiding in a corner (throwing a UFC viewing party tonight)

I'm trying to change me, in the hope that W and I have a chance to become friends again, something that I've missed with W for the longest time.