forgive my disappearance and slow reply- h was here, we went to martha's vinyard for a nice trip (him being nice makes me very suspicious- sorry) - it was good. then sister & my greatneice came for visit for ten days or so- soooo nice to see the baby & play (she's five- not a baby but a 'big girl" now) anyway-love that kid- miss her alot when i'm not in fl- my sister was going to 'work" at mom's house & begin to help me sort thru, etc. - she did a whole lot (of nothing unfortunately). she is the queen of "not being able" to do x, y or Z - and then i am the "clear up queen". we are quite a pair.
as usual- i'm determined to un-become what and who i am & be more forceful and less crowd pleaser. slow going on that.
sooooo - not on line much. everyone gone- ta da- back to the forum for me.
I agree with you about the people on forum- i can only hope and pray to become one fraction as "together" as some and as "moved on" as some too. as far as "GROWING" - I HAVE - TEN EXTRA lbs worth. i figure my stress-response must have been to eat anything that crossed my path and couldn't out run me - for the past year.
went to pack a few things for shore & my comfy chub shorts couldn't even zipper up- nuts... sun dresses til my waist reappears.
soooo- all this "keeping self wrapped up tightly" is taking it's toll.
oh well- i agree that me, the person, is improved. i wonder tho about everything else. now that i'm here- i bore myself.
better go garden or clean or do something useful- or creative- ...
with no body to share life & almost anything with (i know - this is fatal, but what the heck) it all seems soooooo kind of not fun and pointless. i continue forward - go act as if, go have pma - etc. i do see that it's necessary to keep going & hope it becomes reality - i just feel fizzled out alot, tired and see exactly what im doing. getting thru an other day - but don't quite feel like i'm "living" it up-
i think i expect too much from self & life maybe. i hope it recedes a bit. i'd not have thought i ask for much at all really - this sister(war-anger) stuff is depressing as heck- selling mom's house (and dismantling her life) is depressing- hey, maybe that's what's bugging me today (aside from fourth ofjuly being the total f'ing anniversary of THE BOMB in life.
hey- good news is, it's gone for another year - yay.....
okay - misery train pulling out of station..
xxoo thanks for note- i'm outta here. i am sorry to be a bummer- if honest, i think h's improved a heck of alot in the companionship department-more pleasant & even affectionate sometimes. see old r sometimes (tho, strictly no actual verbalization (or physical-i-zation) of anything - God forbid!!!) i do not think it means anything really- i do worry that he's just getting comfy with life as it is and thinks he and ow and me just all rub along together for eternity now- eeeeeeek iccckkkkk
