Long term marriage - husband quit!

[bugsby]

DD 18 back in emergency room - allergic reaction like I have never seen before.

I texted husband - WS-, Sister and other daughter re: DD 18 condition at triage. (She could not breathe well, hives and total burgundy color to all her skin. Took andrenalyn shots to alleviate the swelling.) >PSHEW<< I almost had a heart attack when I saw her come in.

Two hours later, husband -WS - called, demanding why he was not "called". I told him he was informed, We don't even know where he is staying - so she went directly to hospital. He did not show concern (empathy) , but instead used this as a platform to - yet again- try to get me to sit down and hash out an "easy divorce". (he said ; "If we settle the housing arrangement, I could have been there....')

I have asked for more time _ like months - not weeks, of keeping things "normal". He is absolutely refusing to let it drop - on the other hand he is refusing to file. -- Wants a no lawyer divorce, he says.....

At one point I was crying - not for or at him - but due to the severity of the reaction and all I have been through. He used this as a reason to batter me with critique. This divorce is your fault. You did this, you did that.....

I said, "You should have been home - if you really want to be there to help."
I repeated I am not ready to discus divorce yet -( 2 months from BD)
and for him to PLEASE do not badger me. I know, he can do what he wants, I can not control that -
> I was incredulous that he even turned this emergency into a reason to discus divorce..<< - after midnight.... Very sad by his anger, outbursts and badgering. And selfishness - but I did not say any of these things..

but, I did remind him - there is a third person in this marriage..
He SCOFFED... I >without yelling, or contempt -- at all< asked him,
"Are you having an extramarital affair?"

He just started yelling accusations and hung up....

I know, believe nothing of what they say and 50% of what they do. I know - this is only 8 weeks into BD -- he is heavy, heavy into affair fog with dopamine, but has anybody had a WS badger them so?

he refuses to file himself! (He does not want to pay lawyer fees. Or apparently, alimony or any of that other "tricky" stuff... )
The ball is in his court. How painful and how destructive.