Dealing with WAW Part 2

[pilot]

Why would you second guess that decision?

You say "her" credit cards bills which makes it sound like the expenses are hers. Just because it has her name on it or she carries it, doesn't make it "her" debt, as you've explained.

If she's been a SAHM all these years, how is she suddenly supposed to pay family debts.

I think you did the right thing.

I posted this on your last thread and you didn't respond. Did I misread/misinterpret your earlier post on this subject that the things on the CC were family expenses?

If she filed, what did your response include? Have you legally separated finances and as of what date?

You can take the route that you make her pay it all and it can go in arrears and the court will find that it's debt incurred during the marriage and you will have to pay it.

Or she can go to her L and get it hammered out now, creating more expense. Is that really what you want?

There are (at least)2 aspects to marriage, the emotional and the business. Don't try to solve the emotional issues with the business/money part. Using money to try and teach her a lesson won't work. It won't make her respect you. You can't make anyone respect anything. You can scare the heck out of them, but that's not respect.

Hi labug,

Sorry if I did not answer. Yes, the vast majority of her cc bills are family. Hence my feeling of obligation to pay them. My hesitation to pay them immediately stems from that I also have a huge amount of family bills to pay for. For every $10 of bills I have to pay, I have about $4 to pay them with. This has been the case for a couple of years. In the past I have ALWAYS paid her bills first. (please do not latch on to my terminology of hers/mine...ultimately they are family expenses, I am just identifying ownership of the names on the bills). I did this to protect her credit. The bills which were paid late, or not at all were those under my name. My credit is shot.

Yes, my wife has filed D, but she has not served me. So I am under no legal obligation at this point to do anything. We have no separation agreement. We had worked one out prior to our S where I would have made sure she had the money to pay any bill under her name. This was predicated on our cooperating when filling out the D papers to ensure we had an uncontested divorce. When she filed her D papers, she had the assistance of a L who wrote the petition in a nasty manner. Because of this, I told her I would not be able to pay the bills I had previously agreed to because of the impact it would have since we would now have a contested D.

The state we live in is a community property state. Which means assets and debts are divided equally. Since most of the assets were put in her name, and most of the debt was in my name, I gain an advantage of leverage during any negotiating should the D proceed. It was my intention that during the S, I was going to file Chapt 7 bankruptcy. However, my bankruptcy L advised me to wait until after the D to file Chapt 7...because of the leverage I had with the debt.

I really appreciate the perspective of the 2 aspects of divorce...emotional and business. I had not looked at it in that way before. Ultimately should the D proceed and come through, I fully expect and plan to pay those bills she carries. My leverage is mainly a tool to ensure the best chances of me being able to locate in an area where I have the best opportunity to restore my financial wellbeing, and ensure the kids will be living nearby.

So back to the original question, it is not that I plan on NOT paying them, it is more a question of timing. I am working 2 jobs now. My objections rise from the continuation of ensuring the bills in her name are paid on time at the expense of repairing my own financial situation. In other words, what I SHOULD do is take the bills she has to pay, put them in the pile of the bills I am paying, and they get paid as the money comes available. If they end up being paid late, then they are late just like mine. No more preferential treatment.

Does that make more sense?

Thanks again for following my S. Your advice and input is ALWAYS welcome!