Funny thing though. I went through a relationship kind of like that. I think I wanted to have a long distance relationship because it was "safer" of sorts. I could have the relationship but not let her get too close, if you know what I mean.
She is a wonderful woman. We clicked. She tried just a little too hard I think, and it worried me. I wasn't done with my own "stuff" at that point (are we ever?) but I knew I didn't want to stay with her forever. It was hard to break that off and I still sometimes think about her. She had her own baggage as did I, but that wasn't a major problem. We still loosely keep in touch, and that's ok too.
A friend of mine dated a guy that she really liked. She gets hit on all the time, but wasn't in that frame of mind after her marriage ended (similar experience). She just wasn't paying attention until this guy came along. He had/has all kinds of issues. As a friend, I told her that and warned her. She went into it eyes open, but it hurt in the end. She's just now starting to get over it. But one of the things that was of note was that she told me he helped her see her own issues during the relationship as well. They worked well that way. His issues eventually overcame the relationship and they no longer speak, but it was a profound relationship for the two of them. They don't speak only because it causes them both pain to see what they lost.
As the 'onlooker that sees the game' it seemed to me that this was a first very intense relationship for them both in many years. I think she was destined to have a relationship like that to help her get over her ex. In that sense, it was helpful.
I've seen many that do similar. They get into a relationship after a long marriage and later realize, it was helpful but not permanent.
Kimmerz, don't be afraid to realize that something doesn't work for you. You aren't going to find 'perfect' but rather 'perfect for you'. That is highly unlikely the first time out, my friend. Good for you for being able to get out there again. Good for you for being able to question and hear feedback even if you don't always like it But realize you don't have to be afraid. But if you are, it's a good idea to understand what you are afraid of.
Dating helps you to build a foundation of knowledge of things about others and about yourself. You get to figure out what you like or don't like. What you will accept or will not. i.e. what your boundaries are and what you want out of life and a partner. After being married for a long time, it's natural to want to compare your new relationships to what you knew. As you date more, you'll have more to compare things to which in turn will help you figure out yourself and the boundaries you have.
I don't think its hard to find a partner. It's harder to find a partner with similar views and experiences in life. You're a woman, so you won't find a man with the 'same' experiences. But you will find one with complimentary experiences. Some of them will be similar and others very different.
Humans are humans. We have similarities and differences. It is what it is, right?
Don't be afraid to be authentically you, Kimmerz. That's a waste of time and you can't get time back.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
But realize you don't have to be afraid. But if you are, it's a good idea to understand what you are afraid of. 