You know, GoatGal, I actually enjoyed sex with him a lot before he found her. Sometimes it was kind of rote but not always. I gained a lot of weight during the whole house/finance debacle and it made me really self-conscious about being naked with him, so I probably withdrew from him some... but he was withdrawing from me at the same time in other ways (I *think* related to the finance issues and my reaction to them) and things weren't great in that area or any other during that time. We hurt each other quite a lot during that period, both of us nursing hurts of different kinds. I don't think the porn was a problem prior to OW, although he did have some difficulties before I knew about her that I now attribute to the affair.
Can't do anything about the sex now or for a long time to come.
Since my tantrum my goals have changed. I want to be a better listener to everybody around me, and I still want to slather on the words of affirmation to my H, but also to many other people as well. The conversation thing will have to wait till he starts one.
And to get my house tidied up and my resume circulating. Off to the real world!!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
