Well, I'm no vet, but I'll weigh in on this topic. And I'll go way off into my detail, if only to give some perspective.
I still sleep in the same bed as my W, after discovering the PA in Dec. There is no doubt that it is disrespectful, and that doesn't help the situation.
In May, I made a point of removing her clothes from our closet, and asking her to leave the marital bedroom. But W has such a sense of entitlement, and no shame, and has convinced herself so thoroughly that she is the victim and I am the villain, that she refuses to leave it. The tiff ended up with an arrest for me and a large lawyer bill. (no kidding. all dismissed now.)
Could I repeatedly ask her leave the bed? Sure, until she goes down the "verbal harassment" line.
Unfortunately, a man has to be careful of a woman who has no problem calling the police. By all means you can tell her to leave the bed, but understand that you cannot make it happen.
So, we still sleep in the same bed. I am detached (mostly), so it really doesn't bother me. I sleep fine. W does not sleep well at all. She rolls, turns, occasionally sobs, and takes sleeping pills every night. She might sleep better in the guest room, but she refuses to lose ground in the house. There's no way I'm giving an inch, so there we are. Sadly, I do take some comfort in her sleeping badly, because it suggests that she is still conflicted. If she starts sleeping like a baby, I'll know we're really done.
"How do I act?" you asked. I told my W months ago that as long as there was an A, she had no business in the marital bedroom. I pretty much behave as if she weren't there. I don't go out of my way to provoke her, but if I want to watch TV, I do, and if I want the light on to read, I turn it on. She's usually asleep when I go to bed, and still asleep in the morning when I shower and dress. She always changes in the bathroom now, with the door closed. That's new.
Now by no means am I suggesting that I'm doing this the "right way". Yes, if she slept down the hall, that would have to be explained to the kids. She's not ready to say "I'm breaking up the family and dating other men.", and I'm not going to lie to the kids and cover for her, nor am I going to take the blame for a breakup as long as I'm working to DB. Impasse.
