How's it going? You know for the longest time I didn't have the desire to even entertain thoughts of a new relationship. Though I was still healing, (still am) I just like the idea of feeling free.
Then I finally got the desire to meet someone new. I wasn't impressed at all, and was going to cancel my membership because it seems all anyone wanted was a hook up!
Then I don't know what it was about this man, but when he sent me a message, when I saw him, it's like I already knew him from somewhere! It drove me nutts and it took me 3 days to decide if I was going to answer his email or not, because it freaked me out the intensity I felt towards this guys and I didn't even know him!
WE started emailing, then texting, then met in person, and WOW... I HAVE NEVER CLICKED WITH SOMEONE LIKE THIS BEFORE! Yes I was infatuated we both were!
Since then we've formed the best friendship. We're a support to eachother in so many ways, and we have so much in common in just how life has "happened" to us, we just seem to click.
He is also on kidney dialysis and has been for many years. Though his life is about staying alive through dialysis, and he's had alot of issues, I don't feel sorry for him. It's just a part of him and his life I immediately understood and accepted.
I don't mind being alone, because this is a long distance relationship. We don't see each other often but keep in contact all the time. I think the glue that's holding me to him is a sense of loyalty and love because he is my best friend. And I guess after having a marriage where I never really had a safe place to fall or have any emotional intimacy, I have all that and then some with this man. I enjoy our friendship so much.
Yet I think the distance is working to my advantage too. The distance is a plus because Im a person that needs my independence. I love that Im Queen of my own Castle now that EX is no longer here bring a dark cloud over things. The long distance allows me to still have my space to grow and work on myself. And in turn was making his anger issues easier to deal with. Now they're just plain annoying me.
He is an adult and he's having adult tantrums. Yes they are his issues and not mine, and yes Im disappointed that after all is said and done Im not seeing him really working on this problem. I think he's quite attatched to his anger really.
All in all, I know what I want, but I don't think Im ever going to get it with him.
