How am I doing this ?

[Maybell]

Why are you still sharing a bed with her?

I didn't stop sleeping with my H until he left me. I had my reasons, and I did some heavy duty compartmentalizing, but it was terrible for me. I don't think I got a good nights sleep for eight months. That exhaustion snowballed into how I treated him when we were awake and made things a lot worse.

The night after he left I slept like the dead. All but a handful of nights since then have been just as restful. If I had it to do over I would have booted him out then and there.

I'm not necessarily advocating a separation. But it sounds like a very healthy and helpful boundary for you would be to ask her to move into the guest room, if you have one, while she's involved in the affair. A transparency plan would be necessary for you to let her back into the marital bed.

Of course I defer to any vets who have an opinion. But you can't be detached in your sleep. Sleep is for rebuilding the strength to do that.