ANGER !!! MY biggest fear. I never had a problem with this until abuse took over from XH. It was taken out by swearing or throwing things on the wall or punching a wall but never directed to us. That all changed at BD and I fear his anger. It escalated to verbal, emotional abuse and intimidation. Eventho he has never hit me, ONE night, I believe he would have if I didn' t do as he said. Now, when his tone of voice rise, I get terrified, I feel the anxiety take over me. the panic. Like a little girl defenseless and scared.
I am also feeled with anger but I don' t abuse others. And one more thing, my anger is in regard of Xh and the devastation of his MLC. Today, I am going back to ic to address my anger and learn to deal with it. I would say, let go of it but I don' t think it is possible cause XH and I still have to deal with eachother. I need to take care of this anxiety.
Now, in reference to having another relationship, I never could keep it up for more then 2 months. I get overwhelm with XH' s interference, escalating demands from new partner and my anger building up towards it all... That is why I KNOW I am not ready. Something that should feel wonderful, in my head, becomes too much to handle.
