Dealing with WAW Part 2

[pilot]

Original thread here

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2458882#Post2458882


I took this from another post because it does have importance here as well as to most other readers. So it is good to share

Case in point, look at what Pilot said. (And not picking on him, but showing how men see the option of being her friend.)

Take it for what it is and accept the positive steps forward. Do not be too afraid of the friend zone. At this point you are not even in friend zone, so friend zone is a step forward. Plus friend zone could be a stepping stone back to M. Just keep the positive momentum and see where it ends up.

What men need to realize is the high importance of having your W to respect you as a man and as her husband! I mean, if she doesn't want you for her H in her intimate and private life.......how do see being demoted to just a friend as a step forward? Do not mistakenly believe that being her "friend" is better than not being in the friend zone at all. She does not see it with the mind you see it. You have ulterior motives to get the MR back, to restore her feelings, etc. That's the furthest thing from her mind and intentions.

Think about it. You were her leader, protector and partner.....and she no longer found it attractive enough to stay in a R with you. But now you are so greatful to accept what crumbs she offers as a friend? You think she will see you more attractive then? Why and how could she when she so obviously thought you failed as a H?I granted you she lost respect was why she lost the attraction. So, you might as well be her gay guy friend?

You have it in the back of your mind that it will be a stepping stone back to the M. The trap, as I explained in previous post, becomes terribly painful and frustrating as you see her contented with the friend zone and you feel very "used". What is really happening is emotional blackmail.

Guys, she won't respect you even like she respects her other real friends. Know why? B/c you SETTLED to be a freakin friend instead of holding out for the position of H! In the back of her mind, she respects you more for not settling for her crumbs. If she didn't respect you in the most important position of her life, do you really think she will respect you in a lesser role? And if you could not change her mind to be your W while you were in the higher position, what makes you think you can change her mind to be your W when you are in a demoted position? It is a point of respect and attraction. If she doesn't have it for you in M, I doubt seriously she'll have it for you in the friends zone.

Again, I'm not picking on what Pilot said, and I know you all are newcomers and learning. I'm not trying to fight about it......but do admit to being strongly opinionated over the subject. I just want you to see how a WAW thinks so differently from you.

I agree with everything you say Sandi. So you are not picking on me. My post if I recall the OP story right was more towards when a WAW is very confrontational/hateful. So moving towards a friendship is at least a step in the right direction. But you are spot on about respect. It has to be there.

My WAW said early on that she was afraid we would not be friends. I told her of course we would not be friends. I told her she was taking a course of action which would be taking my kids away from me for at least half of their lives until they were 18. I told her I planned on having a relationship with her like my mother and father have (she was a WAW and they rarely speak at all). Her attitude towards me has shifted significantly since our S. I am no longer the pursuer. I am the indifferent confident happy guy who does not contact her except to speak to my kids. She has been making overtures more and more frequently seemingly to reestablish some kind of relationship. But I am not interested until she throws the R on the table to discuss as well as her involvement with OM. Then I will listen.

I did offer an olive branch as I mentioned in my prior post regarding helping her pay some bills. A one time deal to see if she offers up something greater in return.