Phoenix slowly rising

[T-boned]

Thank you so much, TL. But I don't know what FOO means yet. I'm usually real quick to figure these acronyms out, but not this one. I'm missing something.

Anyway,I too was married once before but was the 'dumper.' First H had a problem with alcohol and some recreational drug use. At least I told him I was having a problem with it, and was getting attention from other men and liking it, so I suggested we go to counseling to try and nip all this in the bud. We did....go to counseling. But the MC told my XH he was an alcoholic - XH said he wasn't. Wasn't going to admit it, therefore wasn't going to do anything about it. We went for a few more sessions, XH wouldn't go after a while - I kept on, and decided I couldn't live life that way. At least I was honest and gave my XH fair and early warning because I still respected and loved my XH (he's a really nice guy), and valued my commitment to him. Something my current, STBX,seems incapable of. And because I once was a dumper, a 'good' one at that (you'll know what I mean), that's why I can't understand why my STBX handled this the way he did. I am not an alcoholic, drug addict, slacker, woman of ill repute, etc....But I digress.

I am working on myself especially through past issues of abandonment with my therapist. I guess it's just a slow process and I have a lot to deal with. And, like everyone else, we want instant results. I just lost it last night and some this morning thinking about and feeling very alone. At least I'm not crying all day like in the beginning. I have been busy with a couple of things today like work, and posting a piece of furniture on Craigslist. And I am doing GAL things - going with a friend up to Chico for a beer festival in a couple of weeks, and I just spent time with friends at a beach house last weekend. All great fun. And I am getting my nerve up to maybe take some sort of dance class only my work schedule is so unpredictable which generally screws that up. But I won't give up. I will find something.

I've never been a terribly social person; I have my small group of old and good friends (two I've known for 50+ years)and they are always there for me but live a ways away. One lives in Yosemite so it gives me a good reason to go up there on occasion! Unfortunately, the two local friends have had a bit of a falling out,so I will let go of that until they can come to some agreement. I don't have time for the drama. I can see both sides; they both need to take a breath and compromise, and I have told them as much.

Just wish I could find that thing that brings out the passion in me. I've been told to be patient - it will show itself but you have to try things in order to find it.

You know, just some days are better than others.