It's been a while since I last wrote, simply because not much is happening in terms of the R (or non-R I guess!)
It's been pretty rough for me recently as well, and I have needed to take some time to gather my thoughts. My GAL-ing is not going as planned.. my sister (one of only two people I know in this city) is leaving in two days for a year-long round the world trip. Even though we're not the best of friends, it's been hard for me to not feel slightly abandoned.. I know that is a result of the R breakdown with H, and not an actual issue with my sister, but it's hard to reconcile those feelings.
The only friend I have in this city seems to shut down communication as soon as I ask her to do anything, strangely.
And I am desperately looking for a job.. and having no luck. It's become very stressful, as in about two weeks from now, if I don't have anything, I'll probably have to give notice on my apartment, which will result in me breaking the lease and losing $3,000. This has given me more stress than I realise.. I barely sleep and have headaches every day.
I don't mean to sound so sorry for myself, but it's been one of those months where it just feels like I can't catch a break, and in turn I've become extremely angry and emotional with my family.
As for R, I did end up writing back to his email re our anniversary. I kept it light and just said thanks for acknowledging. He wrote back around a week later. He did say one thing in his latest email that irked me.. he told me how his summer was going and said something along the lines of "My mum is still irritating me, it's really hot, the cat is really fat.. so nothing has changed" and that really annoyed me.. You know, if nothing has changed, then what was the point of all this? I thought you "wanted to find happiness" again?
He's stuck in a rut and he can't seem to see that. It didn't anger me on a personal level, but I worry that he's not moving along with his life in a positive way.
It's been two weeks today since he wrote that email. I plan to write back today.. I purposely left it a while because he's not used to that. I have always been someone who writes back immediately.
Once again, I won't ask him any questions. Just fill him in on what's going on with me, answer the question he asked and leave it at that. I no longer write "I love you" at the end of my emails, and I expect he's noticed that. The only other thing I need to do is make sure I keep it really positive, and avoid mentioning how much my job situation is stressing me out.
