Yes. Because leaving us has not provided them with the magical solution to all their problems and unhappiness. And our detaching and DBing and personal work has left us looking (in their eyes, at least) happier and better off. So... WE were making their lives so miserable...and now that THEY left US, WE are happier and THEY are not! How DARE we! Of course they are angry at us for that!
And although I'm happy to have "hit the nail on the head" per Cadet, this morning I'm feeling more like I'd prefer to have the chance to hit H on the head. Maybe it would help him SNAPOUTOFIT!!!
(No, I don't advocate violence. Only the occasional violent thought. There are no "Thought Police" on here, are there?)
And, MLP: No. I have never seen "happy" at all. At one point after his affair was over, he'd stated that OW "Made him happy", but I certainly didn't see a happy man during that time. I actually was thinking he was going to end up in either rehab, a DUI, or have some mental breakdown.
"Maniacally Happy" would be a real upper around here!!!! I'll make sure to get my video camera going.
-------------------------------------------------------------- I got some sleep last night, "Better Living Through Chemistry" and feel much better this morning.
I reviewed his last few crazy texts--really, they don't even make sense. He talks about things that never happened, and then draws conclusions and bases actions on his distorted perceptions.
That's why even when I feel the need to defend myself, I don't. There is no winning in that conversation.
Honestly I can't even really tell what he's trying to say specifically, other than it's clear he's trying really hard to push my buttons. ------------------------------------------
In the past he was able to do this with ease, as well as pull the wool over my eyes. My Asperger's does make me susceptible to this sort of thing, which I guard against with strangers, but never did with him.
So our whole marriage he's probably been able to manipulate me pretty well in many ways, While being out of control of his own emotions, no doubt, because why would he NEED to treat me like a puppet?
Since BD I have learned a LOT. I learned all about manipulation, passive/covert aggression---lying, you name it, I'VE GOT HIS NUMBER!
No doubt that pisses him off too. It used to work, and it doesn't anymore.
I feel so much stronger. I am never going back to the R we had. I am miles ahead of him in working on R issues, we'll see if he ever gets there himself.
I still have a swimming pool in my basement. But, hey! It's a gorgeous day--I'll go find my bikini and an inflatable float.
---GG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
So why does he sometimes act so happy? Like - MANICALLY happy? It's almost fake. It's so weird!
Or is this all part of trying to make fantasy land look like it's working?
Just like us they cycle.
Their happiness is FAKE.
MASKED DEPRESSION.
And yes they are searching for something to pull them out of this state. Something external. The thing is they need to look inside, that is what will save them, and they refuse to do that and no one else can FIX that for them.
But with a frying pan, we can all have omelets afterwards....
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
I'm hiding out upstairs and H is in the basement, slamming doors and banging things around. For the first time in my M I fear being around him because he now likes to use me as a target for his angry remarks.
He did when he was with OW too, but then I was only mad and hurt, not afraid of what he might do. This is a new thing and I don't like it. It *seems* as though reality is sinking in and HE DOESN'T LIKE IT. NOT ONE BIT!!!
Oh, how far down the rabbit hole we have fallen!
I figured out (yes, little old me) that it was NOT the dehumidifier leaking all over the basement, it was the new AC unit.
The same unit I told him needed service two weeks ago and he was too busy to do so. (He fancies himself a DIY guy but HVAC is new to him.)
He is furious down there. I'm curious to see if he tries to somehow make it my fault.
I did text him "Staying out of your way, but let me know if you need anything."
I'm just STFU and letting him be angry at himself for screwing this up too.
If I engage, even to help, I don't think he'll be all warm and fuzzy towards me.
*sigh*.
----GG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
