...and I have!! I have let go... my outside actions are first, I am still working through my inside emotions/feelings... just because I want to let them go, it doesn't just "happen". I think recognition is first. I feel good about seeing things now. Recognizing when its happening & then "choosing" to do the opposite of what I would normally do.
Simply "willing" myself is not as easy for me Sandi. This is because of the control & what it did in my head. I first need to recognize it, as it is occurring. Step back from it & detach emotionally from it. Here is where I notice 2 sides (pleasing him vs. doing what I want)... then facing the reprimand of either choice. Then force myself away from the addicting urges (like cigarettes), distract myself, etc... believe me, if I could just "will" it away i would.... its sounds so much easier. Don't forget I FEARED his response. I was constantly weighing out what would be worse & is it just easier to cave into his request & hope that I get my reward??? I am working on re-training this thought process.... my friends & family (DD included) have noticed my efforts.
I am not trying to sell anything to the posters... my xbf has gotten worse with his selfishness since MLC. He is not at all as bad as how you present your sister's husband.(s)... at all... However, NO amount of abuse is good/healthy & no longer good enough for me. NO excuses!
My DD loves her step dad. She would love for us to reconcile... but she wants us both to grow. Self confidence/value for me & for him to appreciate & not control. "IF" this could happen, I would want it...badly. If not, I am still going to mourn what was & move on... at my pace. I am no longer waiting. I have truly begun to let go & continue to do so, each day. I don't like it, but its healthier for me. I want to be in a healthy lifestyle. I want my DD to be proud that I stood up for myself & no longer accept his crap. She has been noticing in bits & pieces... yesterday she was awesome.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
