Sex was great, then we married part 3

[MrBond]

"You are misinterpreting a lot, and leaving out some of the most important parts, particularly therapy."

What EXACTLY did I misinterpret? I didn't even mention therapy. I just noticed you like to argue alot.

"I have listened. And I've followed a lot of advice."

Again, I didn't say you didn't listen. I said you argue alot. You are the one who doesn't seem to be capable of understanding what another person is telling you.

"But I'm following more advice now instead from Michele's books and my own therapist. The things you say in disagreement about me simply aren't true in the first place so I don't know why I continue to try to change your mind."

I didn't say anything about your character or whatever assumptions you have made about what you think I think. I (and others) have just mentioned that you tend to argue back alot.

"As for my wife ever talking about past relationships and past sexual experiences, that part doesn't really bother me in and of itself"

I never even brought that up.

"I don't know what you expect me to talk about here then. I didn't come here to talk about how good my life is, and it is good. Does that not make sense?"

You don't understand. Try to listen. The good in your life is intertwined with the bad. The positive interactions that you have with your W is important to bring up because whatever you did to bring out that positive response may be increased to bring up more positive interactions leading to sex. If all you do is gripe about what she doesn't do for you, you're missing the point of Michele's teachings. Think and talk about what she DOES do for you.

"I also didn't realize there was a time frame on a SSM. Michele certainly didn't mention that, and I'm also sure any SSM that lasted for years and years started at some point in the first few months."

Didn't you say that the last time you had sex with your W was about a month ago? That's not an SSM. And again, you're missing the point. You are the one who constantly brings up the fact that you feel invalidated, unloved, etc. from your W because she doesn't want to have sex with you right now. And I bring up the "right now" because you don't seem to be getting that. "Right now" your W is going through a health issue. That's HER problem which you have to allow her to get through in the way she wants to. You can encourage her to get her, but you can't tie a leash around her and force her to get treatment. That's what everyone is trying to get across to you. But you're too stubborn to see that. You come across as a little boy who can't get an ice cream cone even though you're offered everything else. You just want THAT ice cream cone and nothing else is good enough for you. And btw, yes is is how you come across. You keep saying how your W satisfies your other needs, your M is good, etc. But you only concentrate on that ice cream cone and if you can't have it right now you're going to bail.

We ALL get the fact that aside from the sex, your M is good. But YOU are the one who puts so much emphasis on sex that you see it as a deal breaker for you. Give it some time and patience. If you don't learn how to validate the opinions of people on these boards, you're not going to be able to validate your W's thoughts and feelings which is what she needs right now.

I don't think this last part will get through, but it's inherently the most important part. My wife and I are good."