Wife officially walked away just over a month ago

[Mat]

I don't want to stray too far off-point here, but one thing that struck me reading through your story is how complicated / pressurized your lives have been.

Reading about the injuries you sustained, to a high-flying career, her a young mom who seems to have had challenges in her teens, the reactivation, moving houses, body image/health issues that you both worked hard to solve, career setbacks, debt, housing issues... first thing is to both give yourselves a pat on the back for getting through all this.

We know from reading MWD articles and books that a major driver of breakups is the lack of time couples can make for each other. And she's talking about QUALITY time - not one person on the iPad and the other watching sportscenter. You yourself mention that the time you spent working down the credit card debt were some of the best times, when you felt so connected. I suspect this is actually because you were doing something that mattered to you both, together, with a shared goal. That's actually how it should be all the time according to DB!!

So, while I can't pretend to understand your circumstances enough to offer feedback on the life decisions you're about to make, all of what I do know scream to me: SIMPLIFY!

If keeping the Bay Area house makes things easier and more relaxing for you, fine. If it turns into a pain in the a$$, and the flying back-and-forth gets tiring, then maybe you need to streamline. From your background you'll know about apps or big projects - it's not my background myself, but I'm sure that you must excel at identifying process steps or product features that don't actually add value, and aggressively culling them. I would suggest that doing this with your life may give you the chance to spend more time fixing yourself, and being there for the kids.

Also, bear in mind that over time (years), you don't notice stress and fatigue anymore if you've been going full blast all that time. But you can certainly tell it's taking its toll anyway. So don't be a hero and be good to you!

Hope this helps - certainly helps me, it's like I'm talking to myself!!

Take care