Welcome to the boards. I cannot offer you any real advice because this is a completely different situation than the one I am and the advice given to you already is so great.
I will say you almost exactly mirror my parents who also have a 30+ year marriage. My mom got ill, lost her job, but her already low self-confidence hit rock bottom these last few years. My dad doesn't have a drinking issue, but a gaming addiction. This may not sound bad but imagine having no contact with your husband because he refuses to leave his game day in and day out. He blames my mom for their poor financial situation and ignores the fact she has any physical problems.
My dad also did not like to show emotions and said he could live fine without my mom. That was until she attempted suicide years back...he was crying for the first time I've ever seen him. When she came out of the hospital everything went back to normal and that bugged me.
I think I am constantly frustrated and worried at the same time for my mom. It has to be incredibly hard to evoke changes after 30+ years. But I realize after moving out a lot of her poor self esteem issues and doormat attitude really implemented bad habits in my own relationship. It really does effect children.
I love my parents and would never want to see them divorced. But above that I love my mom and it kills me everytime I see her die more and more inside. I try to get her to live for herself but she kind of pushes it as being nothing. I think as a child you want to see your parent happy before you see the marriage happy.
In essence I am so glad you are taking those first steps to change. It is incredibly hard to change routine lifestyles, and change a relationship with someone who is pretty much set in their ways. But I will keep hoping you continue on this path and that in the process you might better yourself and your family as a whole.
