WAW...Again, Part III

[stumps]

James Bond was also alcohol-dependent with little to no respect for women. So while I get cool, calm and collected leave the rest.

(no offense Mr Bond)

LOL! Indeed!

I think it might be nice if you texted her at some point just asking how things are going in a very honest and heartfelt way. I don't remember what they're doing but going on a trip with a 10 and 8 year old can be a challenge, no matter what they're doing. There's always drama.

W traveled with the kids and her mom to a semi-family reunion--her mom and her mom's sisters get together once a year. Sometimes assorted other family members attend but it's a very female/matriarchy/sisters-oriented type of thing. I thought about doing something like you suggested... I guess what has held me back is that there has been so little contact from W (and what contact there has been was very brief...almost curt) that I don't want to appear as pursuing if she is pulling back a little bit. During the good times of our marriage, when W went away on a trip I would typically get a phone call each day from her just to check in and say hi and catch up on the day. There hasn't been any of that this time and while I know this is an assumption on my part, I guess my sense has been that she is using this trip as an opportunity to get some distance from our sitch... and I guess I've been wondering if there's a little bit of a test in there for me...to see if she can go away and I can be on my own without having to keep in "constant" contact.

I guess what it boils down to is fear again. The fear that she doesn't want to hear from me, the fear that she doesn't want to have to get in touch or respond.

But I guess if I act from a place of loving kindness, with no expectations, than how she interprets it and how she chooses to respond/not respond is on her.

So what if I texted something like "Hey, just wanted to check in and see how everyone was doing. I know even with all the extra help you have at your disposal, being with the kids full-time for a week straight can be a handful! Looks and sounds like everyone is having a great time though. So happy you guys were able to take this trip! Give my regards to everyone...and if you think to, I would love it if you said an extra thanks to Ingrid for me for flying the kids out there. I'm so glad they were able to do this."

Thought about adding at the end "Miss you guys" and/or "Can't wait to see you all when you get home." But maybe just leave that out?

I think marriage vows should include "taking care of our home and children is not about what I do to help you or what you do to help me. It's what we do as an act of love for our family."

Agreed, 100%!