About the book, HTIYMWTAI for short, I get it. I read it in the first 6 months of the S and with every page thought, "why am I reading this now?" Here's the thing, you don't know what your future holds, the info in the book is good info.

We have to remind ourselves that we did the best we could with what tools we had. The past is the past, we can't change it. Now that we know better, we can do better. Don't waster time or energy looking backward.

GoatGirl, I probably have analyzed it that fully, I used to be on overthinker. I'm in recovery. smile

Compassion is good for everyone. Your H's OW seems particularly broken and we don't know her back story. We all have one. Do we, by any stretch of the imagination, think she's happy?

Compassion is an interesting and transformative practice. I have been a very harsh judge of myself, I was raised by a very harsh judge and I have sometimes rained that on my children. I judged those around me constantly and felt that I was constantly being judged.

It was only when I chose to be compassionate with others and their imperfections that I was able to be compassionate with me, and my imperfections.

That doesn't mean I think you and the OW should do lunch but you can maybe see it for what it is with your H, 2 broken individuals each trying to fill a hole in their soul with what the other has to offer.

Did you find an AlAnon meeting?

I think we all need to go through the "Why do I want this M?" analysis; sometimes it is because that's what we thought our life was going to be. That was The Plan. I've seen many people on these boards who were afraid of that question of why because it brings up even bigger questions. Delve into it. Who wants to get a marriage back and then wake up one morning thinking "WTF was I thinking?"

Why can't you go on that trip by yourself or with a friend? I had many of those "he never" "he didn't" resentments. When we were S and after I came out of my hole, I started doing those things, big and little.

You really are doing great Maybell, this is going to be life-changing for you.

In a good way. wink

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss