New here

[booklvr]

It's been a week since I've been here. In that week, I've begun reading SSW and Codependent no more, and I've order the 5LL. I've had some ups and downs, but have been working on trying to stay calm and mainly think things through. It has been difficult though, mostly because the longer we go without sex, the more depressed I become. I know that he is using porn, and it is killing me that he has no problem running to his computer rather to me, especially if I'm there. I've considered going to my doctor to increase the dosage on my anti-depressant (I'm getting profoundly sad), but that is not the fix I want.

I do have one thought about the reading so far, and I want to ask a question:

The author's definition of Codependency reads..."A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior."

I agree with the first part of this definition about the affect of his behavior, but I firmly reject the second half. I am not "obsessed" with controlling his behavior. I'm too old, and have been married way too long to obsess with controlling anything, especially a person, not to mention, I simply don't have the energy to try. Yes, I am affected by his behavior, and yes, I am obsessed with 'wanting' a change, but not controlling. I know that there is codependency going on here, but I'm not sure how to recognize it exactly. I guess my questions are: is there codependency without controlling? How do you recognize codependency v. two people who are deeply connected?

Also, I looked into Al-Anon meetings, but I think I'm going to have trouble locating anything I can join until September. I have my grandson everyday, during the day, and I cannot join anything that meets in the evening because of my health issues, I am worthless at night. Also, I live in a very rural, dark, flippin cold place, so night activities are very limited (for me).

Thanks for listening!