It's been a week and a half now and I've been trying some 180's. I keep a positive attitude when I am around W. The 180 I am doing is not being a caretaker anymore. It's hard but doing it. A few days ago W and I were together in the room. She was peeling stickers off of a wall board. After she was done I reached out to the table to gather up the pieces to throw away. I caught myself cleaning up after her. I stopped and left all the pieces on the table. You know, I kinda felt good afterwards. Another one I am doing is NOT making any initiative to start conversations or talk about R and M. I would only say hi when we are together. If she starts a conversation, I keep my answers upbeat and short. Very short. For example, she bought some blue berries and said they were really good. I tasted one, and said "yes they are". Didn't ask where she bought them and if we should get more.
Today we were both off from work the entire day, she came down to my living quarters and said that she was going to go out with a friend for tea. I said good. She left and I thought she would be back no later than a couple hours. She didnt call or come home for over 6 hours. I didnt call her or anything. I made my own plans to go out to dinner with a friend. I went to get a hair cut and came back home. And guess what...? She was home and down at my living quarters making dinner. I came in, and said, "hey, I didn't know you were going to be back so I have plans to go out to dinner." She replied, "ok, good." I left it like that. I showered and got ready while she was still cooking. I was whistling as I was getting ready. By the time I got dressed and ready to leave, she was eating alone. We both were silent for most of the time. When, I was leaving, I told her, "I'm leaving now, see you later." She said "ok". I left out the door without even looking at her. Vets, please let me know if I am doing this the right way or not? Was I too cold? I felt good that I am taking a stance for myself. I also felt good, because I was doing what she was doing to me (not letting her know who I was going out with, or where, and for how long). And No, I didn't call her at all when I was out. She didn't call me as well, that kinda hurt. But hey, this is how it is now and I am starting to slowly accept it.
In regards, to the exposure of the A, I haven't talked about it much. Though they say it is over, I of course, have my doubts. I am giving her the space and time to see where or which direction she wants to go. Either D or reconciliation. In the beginning of this sitch, I have always thought that this(time and space)would only pushes us further apart. I tried to reason and talk genuinely about how we can build a new marriage together. That didn't work because, I see now that it suffocated her. But we will see with all this new technique I am trying. In addition, something in me is always on the lookout for a concrete piece of evidence that the A is still going on. If I do find anything, that will be the last straw for me and everything will end, by my choice.
July 4th weekend, she hasn't made any plans for us and I haven't either. For sure, I know she is going to do something with her friends and I will not be included. It's fine, cause that's what I am expecting.
