Hi CeMar, I am new to this board and only started reading SSM yesterday. I hear what you say, my goals are the same as yours. My W is a strong woman with no desire. I feel your pain but I agree to a large extent with Carlotta regarding being more man-like. In the book it says if what you are doing is not working then do something else. I believe that this is a very important message and I'll give you an example to illustrate it. My wife is a worrier about money in particular. She used to get mad at me for not paying bills on time (I used to wait for the red one before paying). Eventually I got fed up with the constant nagging and told her "you pay the bills then". That was a big mistake. She is now in charge of the finances and hence most of the decisions. In her eyes I was relegated to the bottom of the pecking order just above the hamster but below the children and cats. Recently my bank started an online facility for paying bills and I logged on to it. You can schedule bills to be paid in advance so I gave it a try. I watched the mail and when a bill arrived I grabbed it and scheduled it to be paid just before the due date. When W asked me have I seen the phone/gas/electricity bill I just said "I paid it online because it saves the cost of postage" W is not great on computers so has no interest in the online bank so I now have complete visibility of the bank balance and all resonsibility for paying bills without having to bother with mailing checks etc. Guess what? I now feel like the man of the house and she has largely forgotten about home finance and is now saving for a vacation in Florida! OK, this hasn't translated into sex yet but the atmosphere is definitely better. Try taking back some responsibility you have lost and see if it makes a difference. I hope this helps, David
