Rule #2. No frequent phone calls to W.......let her be the one to call me. Then, don't try to hang on through conversation.....instead, I should say good-bye first.
Rule #16. If I'm in the habit of asking W her whereabouts, ASK HER NOTHING!! I am giving her space and asking no questions! I must enjoy MY life and time with my kids, friends, etc. Remember, I am getting a life too.
Rule #23. Be patient……VERY, very patient. Give W space and time. When I pull back, it will draw her towards me. It feels opposite of what I want to do, but it works!
Rule #29. Do not openly show that I am "desperate" or "needy" even when I am hurting more than ever, & even when I truly feel desperate & needy. This is a large turn-off for W. Very important that I get this concept.
Rule # 31: Do not believe any of what SHE SAYS and less than 50% of what SHE DOES. W will speak in absolute negatives because she is hurting and scared AND because she wants to justify her leaving.
Rule #32. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad I feel.
Rule #34. Do not send several text messages or emails throughout the day, unless absolutely necessary. (That means only in urgent matters.)
Rule #39. Know that I really will be alright in the long run, that my personal work will yield good things regardless of the choices others make. I will be happy again.
Dawgy, we all slip up. It's incredibly hard not to. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and carry on DBing.
Check this out. It helped me a great deal: http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/ I rewrote it in the first person deleting stuff that didn't apply. It took several edits to get it into a readable manifesto of detachment that I could internalize. Good exercise to do. Then I read it over and over, along with Sandi's rules until I had them pretty well memorized.
M: 59 W: 53 M: 9 yrs T: 14 yrs No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine) W moved out 11/18/2013 D-Day 12/14/2013 W moved back home 12/1/2014
