"Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick"

[GoatGal]

Thanks, Maybell.

Amish boys are great. Unfortunately they are not able to do overnights!

As for H, since I really started to detach and not lean on him, instead choosing to lean on others, I see a bit of a backlash.

I am still friendly, upbeat--the only change is I am really detaching more and I *think* that may be what he's reacting to.

Part of it is that I'm exhausted. When I get this bone tired with no rest in sight, my positive attitude takes a bit of a dip.

Add in two sick dogs, one now gone, a husband who is acting like someone I wish I'd never met... it's a recipe for frustration.

I have been trying to work out how to bring in some help. I have to be careful that I don't push H's buttons TOO much or there may be more backlash that I'm not yet ready to weather.

If he's this pissy about a bicycle and just sort of letting him go do whatever, how's he going to respond if he is asked to "pay" for work to be done around here?
Or that he thinks I have some guys here doing it?

It hits him right in his "Pride Zone".

I thought about talking to him about it pleasantly, but don't know how it won't come off like a threat.

Clearly he thinks I have nothing better to do all day than all the work we used to share.
Keeps me too tired to find some male company, I guess...?

The other problem is scheduling.
If he were gone for good, not a problem.

It's just hard to get someone on short notice for an hour here and an hour there. It's hardly worth it.

What I'd rather do is get a few guys for several hours on a few weekends to help with some big stuff.

But I KNOW FOR A FACT that will piss H off BIG TIME.

So I'm kinda stuck.

I have had a few people help for free, but it's not a regular thing.

I haven't given up on it though.

If I had some of my own money, that's how I'd spend it.
I thought about asking my mom for some money (embarrassing!) but now she's in the hospital and that plan went out the window.

At the very least, I don't want any helpers here while H is here....

So it goes.


---GG

If you don't hear from me tomorrow, it means I got asphyxiated! I did Google "sewer gas" and yes. It CAN kill you.

Not that he cares, apparently.

I'll leave the windows open and AC off. Hey it's only 90 degrees with 90 percent humidity. Add in a few night sweats and we've got ourselves one SMOKING HOT EVENING!!!

[GoatGal]

And for what it's worth, I think he's angry with HIMSELF. Not with me.

[oad]

GG

put a portable fan facing outwards on a window in your room...that way it will suck the gas out and blow it outside...

[GoatGal]

Thanks, oad.

Will do!

[GoatGal]

OK. H is DEFINITELY trying to bait me! I don't really understand, this is something new.

He just sent a borderline nasty text, clearly trying to "tell" me that because I wasn't doing what he wanted that he was going to "punish" me by going to a Fourth of July party instead of--what?
Working around here and ignoring me? Hey--it's just another Friday to me.
I couldn't care less. But pretty funny that he's trying to get a rise out of me with his "social life."

He said how I was "so upset about the scheduling last week"
(not at all, just he was being weird) and that he has a right to be upset that I didn't give him the answers he wanted about when I'd be out late so he could be here ALONE....

(This is very much how he acted when he was involved with OW. He just picked fights all the time. Yet I'm pretty sure there is NOTHING going on now. So what's up?)

Then some nonsense about me "being unconcerned about your commitment to tomorrow night's schedule..." Which really upset him for some reason--because he really wanted to be here? I have no idea.

Anyhow I'd said I "might" have something to do, but wasn't sure because I've been sort of tired with the dogs, but maybe if I got some rest I'd go. Definitely not jerking him around or anything...AT ALL.

(And of course he KNOWS all he has to do is ask to stay. But I'm not going to force myself to stay out late just so he can be here alone.)

Then he says "Well, I have been INFORMED that I have an early gathering here, but I will be up to cover for you.. (to go to my 4th party)... BUT I have a RIGHT to make PLANS TOO!." (Guess he's being kidnapped against his will.)

Nyaah-Nyaah-Nyaah-Nyaah -Nyaah!! Thumbing his nose at me. As if I care!

This sounds so much like a 12 year old girl. It's not coming across here but his texts were VERY SNIPPY. This started on Sat, after he was here Friday night.

After he heard my midnight phone call? Hmmmmm.... now that I think about it. I wonder....

This is a man who doesn't write more than three words at a time, this is the longest text he's sent in months!

Usually he only does that when he's spewing.


I responded: "Not upset about the schedule, just wasn't communicated clearly. And I'd like to be asked, just out of courtesy. But yeah---if you have something to do on Friday, that's great! It's the 4th of July--go have fun!! Don't worry about it, it's not a problem."

"PS: Ambrose Dog is OK. Have a great night :)"


I didn't BITE.


He texts back immediately: "Sure".

I know Wonka touched on this but I'm having trouble grasping why he is suddenly being so nasty and clearly trying to bait me, get me angry, provoke me, or just exert some control over me.

Clearly he's angry, clearly he's trying to get some kind of reaction from me...
All that's changed that I'm aware of is that I just dropped the rope as much as possible. And not just "pretending", but really feeling that way.

Sure, he pisses me off, but I'm still pretty detached overall. That's a good thing.

I'll sleep on it.
Meanwhile, I am being nice as pie.


----GG

[oad]

stay nice GG....these walk aways seem to be living in another world..nothing we can do, just don't get dragged into that other world and stay strong...beeeeeeehhhhhh (goat noise)

[Maybell]

I wish I had something useful to offer. I don't. But I'm thinking of you.

[adinva]

The book dance of anger talks about that. When you change your part on an unhealthy pattern, or dance,your partner will react with discomfort and rage because what hes used to gas changed. In time it settles down.

[GoatGal]

Advina,

I hope you're right.
This is really disconcerting and he's bordering on threatening, in a vague way.
He phrases things as if he's "putting me on notice."

Well, I guess he has!


----GG

[Eatsma]

And for what it's worth, I think he's angry with HIMSELF. Not with me.

I just want you to know that I think this all the time!!!

It's wild to watch them project some of their anger at themselves onto us. Detachment helps see that!!!

It also does help one not to take the bait.

Still alive this morning or did the sewer gas getcha? (I see you're posting...hopefully not as a sewer gas zombie...)