What I'm about to say might hurt, so strap on your body armor.
You said:
"If divorce were to happen, I want the blame to be were it belongs, on MOM."
CeMar, the way I see it, this attitude of yours is at the root of your problem, your stuckness. You are in a MARRIAGE and you need to learn to negotiate. You have not.
You admit that you have not aired this issue adequately with your wife:
"I have tried explaining things to the wife, and admittedly, not very well to her, and she also throws up the defensive walls once anything starts getting related to sex. I still have more rocks to turn over in my quest for a solution, so I have not completely given up."
This being a marriage of two people, it follows that if you divorce the blame will be equally shared.
And I am willing to bet big money that one reason your W feels no desire for you is that she KNOWS you are afraid of her, she knows she can bully you when you voice your dissatisfaction with your sex life, and she therefore does not think of you as a MAN.
You know that I am a W whose X was afraid to air the truth. He was a little boy in our marriage, afraid to confront, afraid to negotiate. In my view, the failure of our marriage needs to be equally shared: him for not talking and me for not listening to his frightened whispers.
There is a lesson in every difficult situation we face in life. That's why the situation is difficult -- we don't have the skills to handle it. The skill it seems to me that YOU need to develop is standing up to your wife, standing up for your own needs. You can do all the complaining and whining you want to here on the boards, but it is going to absolutely no good because you are not telling the only person who needs to hear it. I don't see anything ever changing in your situation until YOU change.
