You know something? I felt similar to you for a long time. I felt like my needs were not being met. My husband said I was overreacting, too sensitive, everything was fine. He said he loved me and reminded me of all the things he did for me...and told me he didn't feel like I loved him enough. I felt I was being manipulated or that I was crazy. I felt so lonely and unloved. He refused to go to counseling together. He thought I just needed to go on my own. (Truth is, I did need to go on my own. ..but that is another layer to the story).
And then, one day, he left.
So, yeah, I know about having unmet needs and feeling hurt.
And you know what? If I had found this site earlier, people would have told me the same thing-- and maybe I would have reacted similarly to you.
But the reality is...the ONLY thing you have control over is yourself. You cannot change her. That doesn't mean she will never change.. and it doesn't mean that you have nothing to work on yourself.
Have you even read DR? One of the major points is that ONE person CAN change the dynamic of the relationship.
The problem you are having at work? Well, I don't know how common that is. But I will say that I have not been with someone for many months...and have found ways to release those needs.
You can either choose to be patient and work on yourself... or not.
Again.. what do you want us to tell you? If you really don't think she will ever change, then quit. If you want to work on your M, you have to figure out some of your stuff first. If I had done that, I might not be S today.
Can you have any patience?? No one is saying to live unhappily ever after! But folks do seem to be saying to take a breath, work on your listening and communication skills, and stop focusing on what you think is wrong so much! There are other issues in your M besides no sex. What role are you playing? Is it possible that your W is telling you everything is fine because she assumes you wouldn't really listen to her anyway? Can you focus on any of the good things about her (are there any?)
You may just find happiness and peace if you look inward.
