If she is saying she is not ready for that yet. Like me coming around, or being with me at things. Is that good sign or a bad sign? It throws me off with that not ready YET, yet gives me hope!!
It is mind reading and gets you nowhere. Take it for what it is. It is not an absolute NO. So continue to focus on yourself and improving yourself, so WHEN and if she does ant to spend more time with you, you are a person she would be a fool to leave. At that point, it is irrelevant what she is thinking today.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Yeah give her space and back way up. She is super depressed right now, and even though I did some stupid things, it tears me up to see her like this. Some of the stuff she says, even though it's just talk, it's almost a cry for help as well. I've been around mental illness stuff for most of my life, and can see things that I know are going on. I just don't want her to get to far gone, and not take care of herself. She is still the mother of my kids, and they need us both in too too shape. But backing off to never land now!!!
Okay so night before last, the W texts can I say something, I said of course. So she tells me her female cousin tells her she needs to see other people, so she can compare what we had, and maybe figure out what she is missing if anything. The W says that she doesn't have a lot to compare too, and she is not for sure what to do!! I tell her that's fine, but if she wants that then I want a divorce, I said that from beginning of separation, any dating or feelings for someone else and we end it, so the kids don't get the wrong idea!! She said she understands and that she will keeping on it!!! Don't know what she meant by that, I didn't ask.
Of course the last thing I want is divorce, but part of my makeup is old school and I can't stand by while she dates others. To me if married and even separated, you are still married in the eyes of god, and I'm not super religious, but I still have my core beliefs. What do you think? Was it wrong to say this on my part? I know that was not keeping the path lit back home, but if I go against something I believe in, wouldn't that harm our R even further? Any thoughts appreciated.
I should add, she also said she was lost and confused when she thought about us. She asked me how I knew she was the one for me, because I told her I don't need to date anybody else to know that. I said that I have found myself, know what and who I want. It took some time, but through some work and thought I know she is the one for me. The feelings I have inside are real, because I have had the time to go through them. She just kept saying I don't know what to do. She is looking for help from someone to find the answer, but it has to come from the inside, I didn't say that, but that's how I got to where I am.
I have had people say the same things to me, go on a date, dump her, divorce her, it's all talk from people that are just trying to make me feel better. In the end I have to find the best for me, not someone else's advice. However, here I am stuck in the middle of a storm, the W is the like a hurricane, the eye is pleasant and peaceful, then the outer edges get more and more violent and hurtful. It's good that she said something, but asking me for advice is getting old. She already knows my answer. What do I do, say sure go date, sure just leave your family? It's just not possible!!
She had to say what do I do like 10 times. I mean really asking me of all people. I just want to go to her and say drop all of this. I am here for you and have been, I just needed the time to find myself again. And pull out of the funk I was in. She needs time too, but seems to be taking the time to get 40 different people to help with all different opinions. I did have to call her that night too, tornado warnings around her area, and she had the kids and was freaking out about what to do. I was more interested in my kids welfare at that time, but again I bit and she just has me by the shorts. So hard to not break down right now. Ugh!!!
Roid stick to your core beliefs..at one time our WAW's felt the same, now my W says marriage is just a piece of paper???? You are still married, to date someone else to see if their is anything left in a marriage is complete B.S in my opinion. But remember that your W is also very hurt and confused right now, she is vulnerable to others opinions.
Me: 42 W: 39 D: 2 age 6 and 9 D-Day: Dec 29 13 Seperated: 3/20/14 Mediation retainer : 5/20/14 She filed: 06/25/14
I know, the other opinion things is very true. I just know it's a thin line on whether to say the D word. And I feel bad for saying it, but if that's the way she wants it, do I want that in my life still. Thanks for the comments.
One thing is, why does she keep asking me for what to do? I know I was her support system, but now of all times to ask me that question. Weird out sometimes. I did get upset with my own mother yesterday. My Wife came from D family, and had it fairly rough long story just believe me. My mother thinks that since her father is fairly wealthy, makes a very good living, that she had things and that's part of it. I actually stood up for my wife and said listen just because they had money doesn't mean it wasn't rough. I am tired of hearing that, says it often, I told her that was the last time I wanted to hear it period. Things like that just don't help in the end.
The sad thing is that my folks are just very opinionated and love her to death. But you wouldn't know it sometimes lol!!!
If dating is your dealbreaker with WAW. Then that's your dealbreaker.
Only you know what you can and can't tolerate. Stand firm in your beliefs but know that you may change your mind once confronted with something you never expected.
Ive seen so many people here say cheating is an absolute dealbreaker. Then it happens and they continue DB'ing. Some of them even R with their WAS and end up better than ever.
