It does. I think I'm pretty keenly aware of the dynamic... I did all sorts of stuff for W to show my love and affection, the problem was it wasn't the right stuff. She appreciated that I did my fair share of the housework and child care for example, or that I maintained her car and did house repairs. These were all things that I did thinking it showed her how much I cared about her. But what she needed was for me to set aside time for just the two of us, to make plans for date nights, etc. She appreciated all the stuff I did do, but she had a whole other set of "love needs" that weren't being met. And because I did all that other stuff, W tried to tell herself that the unmet needs weren't that important...that she should be thankful for what she did have and not ask for anything else. The end result of that was a bunch of stifled discontent and resentment that she kept to herself until it metastasized. Those unmet needs have been the big "relationship 180s" I've implemented in the past few months.
The expectations thing has been a bit harder to wrestle with. It's definitely difficult not to let the "If W felt _____, then she would ____" type of thinking set in.
H: 43 W: 37 M: 11 years T: 12 years S: 11 D: 8 ILYBINILWY, "I want to move out" and "I want a divorce": 3/23/14 MC started: 9/22/14 Affair and past infidelity discovered: 9/26/14 Piecing: 10/20/14
