Long term marriage - husband quit!

[bugsby]

Re read the 180. It does say that a BS can express feelings about the affair in terms of how it effects your feelings and life.
(It also adds not to judge or name call or blame the person, but express the pain and trouble you are having.)

My husband wants to "explain" his side of the affair to our DD 18 and DD 21. They have not spoken to him in 3 weeks, he has texted them "whats up?" almost every day. They recently (I have been very neutral and not allowed people to bad mouth their father around them) started short texts back. Even tho on the outside I am glad they are talking to him, (on the inside it hurts, too.)

This is upsetting because these are my girls - future mothers and wives. If this affair behavior is "ok and excusable" from dad - their own father to their mother -- how are they going to see that lesson about themselves?

It bothered me so much I slept on it, re read the 180. I wrote a quick email (I am not in NC ) and told him to think about his behaviors and how explaining/excusing his affair is going to feel to his daughters.

I kept it short (less than one paragraph), to the point and besides calling and affair an immoral decision, I did not condemn him as a person.

His actions mean a lot more than his words- (for example- he used to be the "religious one". Now my 21 year old - who has some issues with religion < well, people who claim to be religions> even before this -- con only say: "See what a big Christian he was? See what the big Catholic can do?"
I don't contradict her, just point out these are behaviors, not the person her dad is.

So if it was a mistake or not, I sent it. It means a lot to me that my girls do not "absorb" this behavior as "ok" - not for me, not for them - not for anyone.

Affairs, the gift that keeps on giving