Possilble WAW

[pilot]

dawgy you are rocking this. Keep it up buddy!

[dawgy]

Thanks Pete and Pilot . Id like to here from a few more people because it is helping me cope . This is the most difficult time in my life and i want to make it through to the other side and all the advice and support are helping . I started DR last night . An interesting read so far but defintely a step up DBing wise than Im doing . I find you have to work up to maximum DBing . We went to fireworks as a family last night and the kids took off chasing girls and left us alone . It was everything AI could do to not talk or think about the situation but I did it . I slipped up a couple times by telling her she looked pretty and asking about going on a camping trip . And she said we ll see .She so darn arrogant , she never used to be arrogant , she was always sweet and kind and not the bit selfish , now shes the exact opposite . Arrogant , its all about me attitude , fancy hair and makeup , body sprays tight clothes wow . A real different person . But i still waant to keep her even though shes changed because I feel the change is only due to this affir fog . Im hoping once the fog clears she will come back to who she used to be . At least to some degree

[Riley]

Just remember DB is for you. If you're doing all this work for your spouse it will backfire. There is the possibility she may not come back, don't let her actions or behaviors take you down anymore than they already have.

You're making good progress. Like I said earlier check the advice from wise DB'ers forum/thread. A lot of really amazing stuff there.

[dawgy]

i keep slipping up . I asked her where she was going tonight whenshe went out.then she told me reluctantly but then I asked her if she was going to see OM . why do I do this to myself . She called me out of the blue at work today and talked about our son about ten minutes . It felt just like old times . Then today i texted her in the afternoon and asked how her day was going and she was short with me . Wild emotions happy one minute and opposite a couple minutes later . I might tell her to beat it, im tired of her lyin and bull s$#!T Shes the one that screwed it all up and ruined our beautiful little families life , not me or the kids . Im losing respect rapidly . After all its been almost 4 months since I found out about the A . Im starting to feel alot different and it scares me

[MrBond]

I couldn't tell from your posts, but did you actually read the DB or DR books?

[PeterV2]

Follow Sandi's rules to the T.

Especially relevant right now are the following:

Rule #2. No frequent phone calls to W.......let her be the one to call me. Then, don't try to hang on through conversation.....instead, I should say good-bye first.

Rule #16. If I'm in the habit of asking W her whereabouts, ASK HER NOTHING!! I am giving her space and asking no questions! I must enjoy MY life and time with my kids, friends, etc. Remember, I am getting a life too.

Rule #23. Be patient……VERY, very patient. Give W space and time. When I pull back, it will draw her towards me. It feels opposite of what I want to do, but it works!

Rule #29. Do not openly show that I am "desperate" or "needy" even when I am hurting more than ever, & even when I truly feel desperate & needy. This is a large turn-off for W. Very important that I get this concept.

Rule # 31: Do not believe any of what SHE SAYS and less than 50% of what SHE DOES. W will speak in absolute negatives because she is hurting and scared AND because she wants to justify her leaving.

Rule #32. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad I feel.

Rule #34. Do not send several text messages or emails throughout the day, unless absolutely necessary. (That means only in urgent matters.)

Rule #39. Know that I really will be alright in the long run, that my personal work will yield good things regardless of the choices others make. I will be happy again.

Dawgy, we all slip up. It's incredibly hard not to. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and carry on DBing.

Check this out. It helped me a great deal:
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/
I rewrote it in the first person deleting stuff that didn't apply. It took several edits to get it into a readable manifesto of detachment that I could internalize. Good exercise to do. Then I read it over and over, along with Sandi's rules until I had them pretty well memorized.

[dawgy]

In the process of reading DR . I was off snooping abit again this morning because she went a different direction in her truck instead of going to work . I followed for a little while but then i stopped and thought " what good is it gonna do if i see something like her meeting OM ?" so I turned around and went to work , but Im still ticked off .I want to fast forward six months and see where we are at then because right now she is still deep in the affair and the only thing keeping her from leaving , I believe is the kids .I guess Im not one of the fortunate ones where the affair lasts six months , It looks like it could be awhile yet . Lets hope I have the gonads to handle it .

[dawgy]

I think a large part of the problem is the fact that i dont have a life , my wife and kids are my life . So when Im gonna do something it usually involves them except now she makes constant excuses not to be with us as a family . When she is with us , she is always sneaking around trying to text undercover .Very painful to see someone you love become such a stranger . Or maybe thats just my perception of her . Maybe she s still there but just a bit different temporarily . Thats whats getting me by , thinking that we will hit rock bottom someday ( sooner than later hopefully ) and then we can start again new . Meanwhile keep working on detachment . I hate that word but apparently its the fix I need . I hope everyone here is correct

[PeterV2]

You did well to stop yourself. Your mind reading again anyway. Maybe she had a totally legit reason to go another way - an errand to run or something.

Yeah we all want to fast forward this. My W is about to leave on a week vacation "by herself". I have very little trust, but I also have very little choice. But I do now have enough self-control to see her off with a smile and wish her a restful break. I know she deserves a long break. And she tells me the A is over. I'm just having a hard go of it, especially since she's leaving 2 days before our wedding anniversary. My WAW's A lasted a year and two months if what she says is true.

Skip ahead to the chapter on Infidelity and the section titled Where S/he Won't End The Affair. I read, and reread that dozens of times. I found it helped.

Hang in there dawgy. You're getting the hang of it. I know it's hard.

[MrBond]

You need to start a new thread as this one will lock soon.

And since you've been reading DR, I haven't seen you actually post anything about what was wrong about your M in terms of issues that she may have had with you. Can you elaborate?